幽默故事英語

幽默故事英語篇一：小學生英語幽默故事(超全版,中英雙語)

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”

故事2 十塊糖

媽媽問兒子：“吉姆， 如果你有10塊糖，吃了4塊，那你還有幾塊糖？” “10塊�！奔�姆說。

“10塊？”媽媽問。

“是的，媽媽。因為4塊在我的肚子里面，6塊在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不對嗎？”

小學生英語故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7頁）、普通小故事（7-40頁）。激發(fā)小朋友們學英語的興趣，幫助他們提高成績。最好每天背一篇，會有不錯的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

老板最大 有個人到一間商店買鸚鵡。店里有三只鸚鵡，其中一只賣五千元，另一只賣一萬元，還有一只賣三萬元。顧客問老板：「為什么這只要賣五千元？這個價錢對這種鸚鵡來說太貴了！」老板說：「因為我有訓練他講話。」顧客又問：「那這只呢？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「他除了會說話之外，還會表演一些有趣的動作，好比說跳舞等等，所以才賣這么貴�！诡櫩徒又�又問：「那第三只呢？他會做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說：「我不知道。我從沒聽過他講話、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒看過他跳舞，什么都沒有！不過另外兩只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg?

Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.

雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？

學生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。

老師：“雞蛋”在哪？

學生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him, “Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

湯姆是個小孩， 他才7歲。 當他去電影院的時候。那時他第一次去。他買了張票進去了。 但沒過兩三分鐘他就出來了，然后買了第二張票又進去了。 幾分鐘后他又出來買了第三張票。 接著兩三分鐘后他又出來買票。 一個女的問她，“你為什么要買那么多票啊? 你見到了幾個朋友？" "沒有， 我里面沒朋友， 但是每當我進門的時候一位大的女人老把我的票給剪了"

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.

Man:He is really somebody.What does do?

Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery

他真是一個大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000個人。

男人：他真是一個大人物。他是干什么的？

小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名偉人

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會是一名偉人嗎？

學生：當然。因為到目前為止，還沒有人活到400多歲。

Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.

Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.

史密斯先生：服務員，我的湯里有一只死蒼蠅．

服務員：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被燙死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。

父親：兒子，你不認為你已經長大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了)，不是嗎？

兒子：爸爸，我想你是對的，那給我一塊錢行嗎？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son. I?m still paying.”

有個小孩愛上了另一個小孩，對方是學校的同學。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時會

迷戀班上某個人，然后就以為自己戀愛了。因此這個八歲的小孩回家問他爸爸：「爸爸，結婚很花錢嗎？」爸爸說：「是啊，兒子，非�；ㄥX�！箖鹤佑謫枺骸敢�花多少錢呢？」爸爸說：「我不知道，兒子，我到現(xiàn)在還一直在付錢�。　�

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”

“沒有，老師。可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識都是一個耳朵里進，一個耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面�！�

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“對不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元�！�

“20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個病人嚇跑了�！�

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理。現(xiàn)在，誰給我舉個例子？

約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長，在冬天天都短。

幽默故事英語篇二：有趣的中英文雙語故事

a Mouse and a Bull

A mouse once took a bite out of a bull's tail as he lay dozing. The bull jumped up in a rage and, with his head low to the ground, chased the mouse right across the yard. The mouse was too quick for him, however, and slipped easily into a hole in the wall. The bull charged the wall furiously again and again, but although he bruised his head and chipped his horns, the mouse stayed safely inside his hole. After a time the bull gave up and sank down to rest again.

As soon as the bull was asleep, the little mouse crept to the mouth of the hole, pattered across the yard, bit the bull again -- this time on the nose -- and rushed back to safety. As the bull roared helplessly the mouse squeaked:

"It's not always the big people who come off best. Sometimes the small ones win, you know."

老鼠和公牛

有一次，公牛躺著打盹，一只老鼠咬了他的尾巴。公牛怒氣沖沖地跳起來，低著頭追老鼠，一直追過院子。然而，老鼠跑得比他快多了，從容地鉆到墻洞里去了。

公牛一次又一次地猛撞墻壁，盡管頭撞腫了，角撞裂了，老鼠卻安然待在洞里。過了一會兒，公牛不撞了，倒下歇著。

公牛剛睡著，小老鼠就爬到洞口，嗒嗒地跑過院子，又咬了公牛一口 ?? 這回咬了鼻子 ?? 又跑回安全的地方去。當公牛毫無辦法地吼叫時，老鼠吱吱叫道："大人物并不總占上風。有時小人物也會取勝。"

An Old Cat

An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.

Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

一只老貓

一位老婦有一只貓。貓很老，她無法運行很快，她咬不了，因為年紀太大了。有一天，老貓發(fā)現(xiàn)一只老鼠，她跳起來，抓住了老鼠。但她咬不了它，因此，老鼠從它的嘴邊溜掉了，因為老貓咬不了它。

a Magic Pumpkin

It was a sunny Fall day, crisp and blue and gold. Kevin and his friend Katie climbed onto the school bus, heading for the Pumpkin Patch. They sat on the back bench and had fun bouncing around. But Katie was grumpy. She didn't want to go on the trip. She hated cold Fall weather and pumpkins and everything. The bus parked at the farm. There was an enormous pile of

orange pumpkins beside a wagon and tractor. Everyone rushed for the wagon. Kevin and Katie sat in the front as it headed out. They watched the huge wheels of the tractor bump slowly over ruts in the dirt path. More bouncing! Then the tractor stopped. On either side long rows of pumpkins lay in the dust, each in its own tangle of vines. They were all different sizes and shades of orange, with light brown patches.

魔法南瓜

這是一個陽光明媚的秋日，涼爽，藍色和金色。凱文和他的朋友凱蒂登上校車，為帕姆普金帕奇標題。他們坐在長凳上，后面有樂趣蹦跳著。但凱蒂脾氣暴躁。她不想去旅行。她討厭寒冷的天氣和秋季南瓜和一切。 巴士停在了農場。有一個橙色的南瓜馬車和拖拉機旁邊一大堆。每個人跑的馬車。凱文和凱蒂坐在前面，因為它領導了。他們看著慢慢在車轍的土路，拖拉機顛簸的巨大車輪。更多彈跳！然后，拖拉機停了下來。 兩邊的南瓜長排躺在塵土，在其自己的藤蔓纏繞每個。他們都不同大小和橙色色調與淺棕色斑塊。

A Lion Falling in love

A lion once fell in love with a beautiful girl, so he went to her parents and asked them to marry her to him.

The old parents did not know what to say.

They did not like the idea of giving their daughter to the lion, but they did not want to eage the king of beasts.

At last the father said, "We are glad to marry our daughter to you, but we (來自:www.zuancaijixie.com 蒲公 英文 摘:幽默故事英語)fear that you might possibly hurt her. So if you remove your claws and teeth, we will give her to you."

The lion loved the girl very much, so he trimmed his claws and took out his big teeth. When he came to the parents again, they simply laughed in his face, and beat him out of their house.

戀愛中的獅子

一只獅子愛上了一位美麗的女孩兒，便找到她的父母向她求婚。女孩兒的父親不知道該如何回答，他不忍將女兒許配給野獸，但又害怕激怒這獸中之王。于是父親說：“我們很樂意將女兒嫁給你，但又怕你不小心傷害她，如果你拔去牙齒，剁掉利爪，我們就將女兒嫁給你。”獅子非常愛這個女孩兒，于是他修剪了爪子，拔掉了尖牙后又去找女孩的父母�？墒沁@時，他們嘲笑他，并把他趕了出去。 寓意: 有些人輕易相信別人的話，拋棄自己的長處，結果輕而易舉地被原來害怕他們的人擊敗了。

The Hare and the Tortoise

The hare was once boasting of his speed before the other animals. "I have never been beaten," he said, "when I run at full speed, no one is faster than me."

The tortoise said quietly, "I will race with you." "That is a good joke," said the hare. "I could dance around you the whole way."

The race started. The hare darted almost out of sight at once. He soon stopped and lay down to have a nap.

The tortoise plodded on and on. When the hare awoke from his nap, he saw the tortoise was near the finish line, and that he had lost the race.

龜兔賽跑

●兔子向動物們夸耀他的速度，“我從來沒有失敗過，”他說，“當我奔跑時，沒有人比我更快。”

●烏龜平靜地說：“我要與你比賽�！薄罢媸切υ�，我可以邊玩邊和你賽跑。”兔子說。

●比賽開始了，一眨眼工夫，兔子已經跑得不見了蹤影，但是他覺得自己跑得快，對比賽掉以輕心，躺在路邊睡著了。

●烏龜慢騰騰地卻持續(xù)不停地走，當兔子一覺醒來，他看到烏龜已經快到終點線了。兔子輸了比賽。

幽默故事英語篇三：英語幽默小故事集錦

英語幽默小故事集錦

約會

When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"

"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.

"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"約會

在湯姆工作的大樓里有一個咖啡屋，那兒總有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。湯姆有些受寵若驚，因為這位小姐看上去至少比他年輕15歲。一天她又對湯姆招手并示意湯姆過去。于是湯姆走了過去。她問道，“您現(xiàn)在是單身嗎？” “對，是單身，”湯姆滿臉堆笑的說。 “我母親也是，”她說，“您愿不愿意見見她？”

理所當然

Taken for Granted

THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown."

理所當然

某學校發(fā)給學生的健康調查表里有個錯別字——把“性別”的“性”字寫成了“襪”字。一位母親在為她的兒子填寫表格時，在“襪別”的那欄填上了：“棕色為主。”

[注] 英語 中sex（性）與sox（襪）只有一個字母之差。世界上最愛你的女人

Which woman?

One evening I drove my husband\'s car to the shopping mall.On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman

who loves you the

most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."My husband looked up and said, "Mom\'s here?"

哪一位女人？

一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，

回來后發(fā)現(xiàn)車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。當我終于走進屋里時大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃。”

我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了？”

一只小貓

Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.

" What\'s in your box?" asked the friend.

"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I\'ve been dreaming about mice at night and I\'m so scared! This cat is to catch them."

"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.

"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.

布朗夫人去拜訪一位朋友，她拿著一個頂部扎滿了小眼兒的盒子。 “盒子里裝的是什么 ？”朋友問道。 “一只小貓，” 布朗夫人回答說，“你知道我晚上睡覺總夢見老鼠，我非常害怕。這只貓可以抓住那些老鼠�！� “可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友說。 “小貓也是假想的。” 布朗夫人小聲說道。

My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow

My Wife Will Exchange Them Tomorrow.

A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. "Cloth of leather?" asked the salesperson.

"Makes no difference, "replied customer.

"What color?" asked the clerk.

"Any," he responded.

"Size?"

"Give me whatever you prefer," the gentleman said, slightlyexasperated. "My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them."反正我太太明天會來換的。

一位先生走進一家商店要買付手套。

“您是要布的還是皮的？”售貨員問。

“沒什么區(qū)別�！边@位顧客回答。

“那您要什么顏色的呢？”售貨員又問。

“什么顏色都成�！彼�回答。

“號碼呢？”

“您就隨便給我拿一付吧，”這位顧客有點不耐煩了，“反正我太太明天都會來換的。”

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