經(jīng)典英語幽默故事

經(jīng)典英語幽默故事篇一：英語經(jīng)典幽默故事

英語經(jīng)典幽默故事

故事一

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him. “The best way, sir, ”said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I’d pulled you out, they’d chuck me in.”

最好的獎賞

一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何能酬謝他�！白詈玫霓k法，長官，”這名水手說，“是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的�！�

故事二

I Taught the Teacher

Mother asked her little boy,”Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?” “Nothing, Mum.” Answered the son proudly, “instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.”

我教老師

母親問她年幼的兒子：“寶貝，今天老師教了你些什么？”兒子驕傲地說：“什么都沒教，媽媽。她反倒問我一加二等于幾，我告訴她等于三�！�

故事三

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. “It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two.”

The boss eyed him suspiciously. ”O(jiān)h, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?”

“I finally gave up,” he said, “and started for home.”

你是怎么來的？

一個冬天的早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什么遲到了四十五分鐘才來上班�！巴饷嫣�滑了，我每向前邁一步，就要向后退兩步�！�

老板狐疑地看著他�！班�，是嗎？那你是怎么到這兒來的？”

“后來我決定放棄，”他說，“然后我就往家里走�！�

索創(chuàng)在線英語 http:///

經(jīng)典英語幽默故事篇二：英語幽默小故事

1、New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young

model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I shouldhave brought my wife!"

新發(fā)現(xiàn)

一個鄉(xiāng)下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走進(jìn)一座大樓，看見一個歲數(shù)很大的矮胖女人邁進(jìn)一個小房間。房間的門隨后關(guān)上，有幾個燈在閃亮。一會兒，門開了，電梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

鄉(xiāng)下人驚奇地眨著眼睛，慢吞吞地說：“我應(yīng)該把我的老婆帶來!”

hillbilly

n. 鄉(xiāng)下人，鄉(xiāng)巴佬.

pudgy

adj.矮胖的，矮而粗的

drawl

vt, vi慢吞吞地說；拉長語調(diào)地說

2、Always Thirsty

"I had an operation," said a man to his friend, "and the doctor left a sponge in me."

"That's terrible!" said the friend. "Got any pain?"

"No, but I am always thirsty!"

總感到口渴

一個男人對他的朋友說：“我動了一次手術(shù)，手術(shù)后醫(yī)生把一塊海綿忘在我的身體里了�！�

“真是太糟糕了！”朋友說道：“你覺得疼嗎？”

“不疼，可是我總感到口渴。”

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他贏了

湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？

約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。

湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？

約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠(yuǎn)，他贏了。

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother. "I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？”

“一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

“再見到他你能認(rèn)出來嗎？”媽媽問。

“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說�！八�的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。”

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說�！霸俳o你兩分錢�？赡銥槭裁磳δ俏焕咸�太那么感興趣呢？”

“她是個賣糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，?醉?字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了�！� “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”

Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a

moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生�！蹦切∧泻⒄f。

英語小笑話

上個星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一個老美看到就笑我說, "Do you

know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著 性, 縮寫正好是 Adidas) " 我正驚訝他怎么反應(yīng)這么快, 聯(lián)想力這么豐富時,旁邊的

一個老美幫我解圍, 他說, 有一個很著名的合唱團(tuán) Korn, 他們的招牌歌之一就是

A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,這個典故可是很多老美都耳熟 能詳?shù)泥? 下次就換你去取笑老美了.

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"且話僂蚰昴?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."

1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

兩只鳥

老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？

學(xué)生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老師：請說說看。

學(xué)生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

魚網(wǎng)

"你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安？" 老師發(fā)問道。

&

quot;把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老師

9月1日， 喬治放學(xué)回到家里。

"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。

"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可后來又說2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考試

在一次物理考試時，當(dāng)同學(xué)們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。

這個問題是：為什么在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電后聽到雷聲？

尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

經(jīng)典英語幽默故事篇三：經(jīng)典英語小故事

經(jīng)典英語小故事The Old Cat An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

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