中英文小幽默

中英文小幽默篇一：英語小幽默

1．No Cavities A smiling boy arrived home from a dental visit,"Hey mom,the dentist says I have no cavities. " His mom stared at him wide-eyed and quite surprised,"It's impossible --you never brush your teeth after cleaning the chocolate box before you go to bed! Then the boy opened his mouth --he had not a tooth left! 英文笑話：我沒有蛀牙小男孩兒看完牙醫(yī)， 面帶微笑地回到家：“嘿，媽媽，牙醫(yī)說，我一顆蛀牙也沒有�！� 媽媽驚訝地瞪大眼睛：“不可能——你每回上床睡覺前都把巧克力盒子里的糖一下子吃 完，而且從來不刷牙！” 這時(shí)，男孩兒張開了嘴巴——他的牙全被拔光了。 2.Teacher:“ I have two questions, it isn't necessary to answer the second question if you know the result of the first question.How much hair do you have?” Student： “ A hundred and twenty millions.” Teacher:“ How do you know it?” Student:“ It is not necessary to answer the second question.” 老師："我有兩個題目，你若能答出第一題就不需答第二題。你有多少根頭發(fā)?" 學(xué)生："1.2 億根。"英語幽默笑話：一分一塊錢 A dollar per point編輯點(diǎn)評：Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor

noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change. 一天，教授正在給學(xué)生們監(jiān)考。他發(fā)下試卷，然后回到講臺前等待。 考試結(jié)束了，學(xué)生們紛紛交回試卷。教授發(fā)現(xiàn)一張?jiān)嚲砩蟿e著一張百元鈔票，還有一張紙 條寫著：“一分一塊錢。” 第二堂課，教授把試卷都發(fā)回學(xué)生們手中。其中一個學(xué)生不但得到了試卷還得到 64 塊錢 的找零。 英語笑話：好孩子 A Good Boy 編輯點(diǎn)評：小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢�！白蛱旖o你的錢干什么了？”“我給了一個可憐的 老太婆，”他回答說。“你真是個好孩子，“媽媽驕傲地說�！霸俳o你兩分錢�？赡銥槭� 么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You’re a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy."好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 ”昨天給你的錢干什么了？“ ”我給了一個可憐的老太婆，“他回答說。 ”你真是個好孩子，“媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感 興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的�！庇⒄Z幽默笑話：I want a nightmare 想做壞夢

Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said. 在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個夢，夢見 我通過了今天的考試。”“不要相信夢，親愛的。據(jù)說夢中的經(jīng)歷通常與現(xiàn)實(shí) 相反。 ”媽媽答道。 “那么， 我真希望在今晚的夢中， 我的其他功課都不及格。 ” 湯姆說。

中英文小幽默篇二：英語幽默小故事10篇.

英語幽默小故事10篇(帶翻譯)如下：

Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)

三個互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價(jià)!”“特便宜!”

左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價(jià)!”“大折扣!”

中間的商人隨后準(zhǔn)備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“入口處”。

Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.""Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."

"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"

在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。

一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，“我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興�！杯偼�意了，于是他們幾個月里一直通著信。

后來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。

瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對護(hù)士長說，“我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯�！�

“這里只有親屬可以探望病人�！弊o(hù)士長說。

“噢，是的，”瓊說，“我是他的妹妹�！�

“很高興認(rèn)識你，”護(hù)士長說，“我是他的母親�！�

Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"

軍營里有二名士兵，一個叫喬治，一個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、信封嗎?”比爾說：“有�！比缓蟀研偶埡托欧饨o了喬治。

喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢�！北葼栍职炎约旱墓P給了他。喬治開始寫信。寫完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎?”比爾給了他一張。

這時(shí)比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎?”

比爾說：“是的�！彪S即打開了門。

喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。

“你還要什么?”比爾問。

喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.

"How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."大五個月

第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④姡�可他只有十六歲，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說他已經(jīng)十八歲了。

可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆]幾天，而且也是這個軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。

“你多大了?”軍醫(yī)問。

“十八，長官�！奔s翰說。

“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月�！�

West Point

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."

父親、哥哥和我到西點(diǎn)軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學(xué)之間的橄欖球賽。開始之前，我們到處轉(zhuǎn)了轉(zhuǎn)，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的學(xué)員。幾名游客問新兵是否愿意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝�！昂米屛覀兊膬鹤又�道，如果他到西點(diǎn)軍校來學(xué)習(xí)會得到什么�！�

一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學(xué)員，問她是否愿意擺個姿勢照相。他們解釋說：

“我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點(diǎn)軍校錯過了什么�！�

(6)Present for Girlfriend

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.

The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."

送給女友的禮物

在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?”珠寶商問道。

那名顧客想了一會兒，然后說道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它�！�

Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

慎重許愿

一對結(jié)婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

慶�；顒又�，一位仙女出現(xiàn)了。她說，由于他們是已經(jīng)結(jié)婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個愿望。

妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手�！皡�!”的一聲，她的手中出現(xiàn)了一張票。

接下來該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”仙女拾起了魔術(shù)棒。“呯!”，他變成了90歲。

Wood Fire

One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."

"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"

森林之火

一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動物的特性：“丈夫們就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他們就會燃燒起來�！�

“那是不是意味著，”另一個問道，“他們將自己燒成灰燼?”

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboar(轉(zhuǎn)載于:www.zuancaijixie.com 蒲 公 英 文 摘:中英文小幽默)d. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."

最好的獎賞

一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。“最好的辦法，長官，”這名水手說，“是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們

會把我扔下去的�！�

Napoleon Was Ill

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."

"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"

"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

拿破侖病了

杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學(xué)校讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強(qiáng)烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學(xué)業(yè)。

“他是個好孩子，”杰克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進(jìn)步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，他一定會考好的�！�

“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答�！澳阒�道嗎?上個月我問他拿破侖什么時(shí)候死的，他都不知道。”

“先生，請?jiān)俳o他一次機(jī)會吧�！苯芸说母赣H說：“你不知道，恐怕是因?yàn)槲覀兗覜]有訂報(bào)紙。我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道�！�

He Was Only Wrong by Two

Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.

One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first."

Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers.

At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?"

The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."

The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."

他的得數(shù)只比正確答案多二

杰克霍金斯是美國一所學(xué)院的橄欖球隊(duì)教練，他竭力想物色好球員。但是好球員學(xué)業(yè)不行，院方不愿錄取。

有一天，教練帶著一位優(yōu)秀的年輕球員去見院長，希望院方同意他免試入學(xué)。經(jīng)過一番勸說后院長說：“那我最好先問問他幾個問題�！�

然后他轉(zhuǎn)向?qū)W生，問了幾個非常簡單的問題�？墒悄莻�學(xué)生一個也答不上來。最后院長說：“那么，五乘七得多少?”

學(xué)生想了很久，然后回答說：“三十六�！�

院長攤開雙手失望地看了看教練。可是教練認(rèn)真地說，“噢，錄取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正確答案多二。”

Real Play

When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."

逼真的戲劇

我在北達(dá)科他州立大學(xué)教戲劇入門課時(shí)，要求學(xué)生們?nèi)タ磳W(xué)校劇團(tuán)當(dāng)時(shí)的演出，并寫一篇評論�？戳艘粓鰳O為精彩的演出后，一名學(xué)生寫道：“這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致于我認(rèn)為我自己是坐在家里的沙發(fā)上，從電視上看到的�！�

A Fine Match

One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."

The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.

Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!

勢均力敵

有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一只老鼠夾。店主告訴她：“放點(diǎn)奶酪在里面，很快你就會逮住那只老鼠的。”

這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家里，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)很晚了。于是，她就從一份雜志中剪下一幅奶酪的圖片放進(jìn)了夾子。

令人稱奇的是，這畫有奶酪的圖片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)鼠夾里奶酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片!

Gardening Gloves

For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare."

Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.

園藝手套

幾個月以來，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的結(jié)婚戒指，因?yàn)槲覍�黃金有點(diǎn)過敏。生日那天，我正在干園藝活時(shí)，丈夫問我想要什么禮物。我舉起雙手說：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的兩手都是光光的�！�

那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物�！吧�日快樂!”他說。我打開一看：里面包著一雙園藝手套。

Warning

Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased.

"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"

中英文小幽默篇三：英語幽默小笑話大全

英語幽默小笑話大全

1.a kiss

At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.

The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."

The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

2.A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一個老師在對學(xué)生們講心理學(xué)，“誰認(rèn)為自己蠢就站起來？”她一開始就說。

小約翰尼站了起來。

“你認(rèn)為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼？”老師問。

“不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站著�！�

3.a great man

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名偉人

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會是一名偉人嗎？ 學(xué)生：當(dāng)然。因?yàn)榈侥壳盀橹�，還沒有人活到400多歲。

4Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does

your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."

6.Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人搶你的手表時(shí)，你為什么不呼救呢？ 男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發(fā)現(xiàn)我的四顆

金牙。那就更糟了。

7.The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

一個小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

“沒有關(guān)系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人�！�”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？”

8.Class and Ass

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