小學(xué)生英文幽默故事

小學(xué)生英文幽默故事篇一：小學(xué)生英語(yǔ)幽默故事(超全版_中英雙語(yǔ))

小學(xué)生英語(yǔ)故事

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot. There werethree parrots in the shop. One was $5,000; another one, $10,000; and the third one, $30,000. The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That?s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on. That?s why he?s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don?t know. Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all! But the other two call him ?The Boss.?”

有個(gè)人到一間商店買鸚鵡。店里有三只鸚鵡，其中一只賣五千元，另一只賣一萬(wàn)元，還有一只賣三萬(wàn)元。顧客問(wèn)老板：「為什么這只要賣五千元？這個(gè)價(jià)錢對(duì)這種鸚鵡來(lái)說(shuō)太貴了！」老板說(shuō)：「因?yàn)槲矣杏?xùn)練他講話。」顧客又問(wèn)：「那這只呢？他會(huì)做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說(shuō)：「他除了會(huì)說(shuō)話之外，還會(huì)表演一些有趣的動(dòng)作，好比說(shuō)跳舞等等，所以才賣這么貴。」顧客接著又問(wèn)：「那第三只呢？他會(huì)做什么？為什么要賣這么貴？」老板說(shuō)：「我不知道。我從沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)他講話、吹口哨或唱歌，也沒(méi)看過(guò)他跳舞，什么都沒(méi)有！不過(guò)另外兩只叫他：『老板！』」

Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.

“Then,” Mother asks.

“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”

十塊糖

媽媽問(wèn)兒子：“吉姆， 如果你有10塊糖，吃了4塊，那你還有幾塊糖？” “10塊�！奔�姆說(shuō)。 “10塊？”媽媽問(wèn)。

“是的，媽媽。因?yàn)?塊在我的肚子里面，6塊在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不對(duì)嗎？”

Where is the egg?

Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word "egg"?

Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.

Teacher:Then where is the “egg"?

Student:In the cake,Sir.

雞蛋在哪里？

老師：你能用“雞蛋”一詞造句嗎？學(xué)生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。 老師：“雞蛋”在哪？學(xué)生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to do that. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket. But a girl asks him, “Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

湯姆是個(gè)小孩， 他才7歲。 當(dāng)他去電影院的時(shí)候。那時(shí)他第一次去。他買了張票進(jìn)去了。 但沒(méi)過(guò)兩三分鐘他就出來(lái)了，然后買了第二張票又進(jìn)去了。 幾分鐘后他又出來(lái)買了第三張票。 接著兩三分鐘后他又出來(lái)買票。 一個(gè)女的問(wèn)她，“你為什么要買那么多票啊? 你見(jiàn)到了幾個(gè)朋友？" "沒(méi)有， 我里面沒(méi)朋友， 但是每當(dāng)我進(jìn)門的時(shí)候一位大的女人老把我的票給剪了"

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.

Man:He is really somebody.What does do?

Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery

他真是一個(gè)大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。

男人：他真是一個(gè)大人物。他是干什么的？

小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名偉人

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會(huì)是一名偉人嗎？

學(xué)生：當(dāng)然。因?yàn)榈侥壳盀橹�，還沒(méi)有人活到400多歲。

Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.

Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.

史密斯先生：服務(wù)員，我的湯里有一只死蒼蠅．

服務(wù)員：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被燙死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

兒子：爸爸，給我一角錢。

父親：兒子，你不認(rèn)為你已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)大了，不該再老是一角一角地要錢了(該自立了)，不是嗎？

兒子：爸爸，我想你是對(duì)的，那給我一塊錢行嗎？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they?re eight or ten years old or something like that. So the eight-year-oldkid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don?t know, son. I?m still paying.”

有個(gè)小孩愛(ài)上了另一個(gè)小孩，對(duì)方是學(xué)校的同學(xué)。八歲或十歲左右的孩子有時(shí)會(huì)迷戀班上某個(gè)人，然后就以為自己戀愛(ài)了。因此這個(gè)八歲的小孩回家問(wèn)他爸爸：「爸爸，結(jié)婚很花錢嗎？」爸爸說(shuō)：「是啊，兒子，非�；ㄥX。」兒子又問(wèn)：「要花多少錢呢？」爸爸說(shuō)：「我不知道，兒子，我到現(xiàn)在還一直在付錢啊！」

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”

“沒(méi)有，老師�？墒悄阕蛱煺f(shuō)你告訴我的知識(shí)都是一個(gè)耳朵里進(jìn)，一個(gè)耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面�！�

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“對(duì)不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元！為什么？不是說(shuō)好只要4美元�！�

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個(gè)病人嚇跑了。”

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short. 老師：我們都知道熱脹冷縮的道理�，F(xiàn)在，誰(shuí)給我舉個(gè)例子？

約翰：嗯，在夏天天都長(zhǎng)，在冬天天都短。

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"

"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".

教進(jìn)化論的老師已經(jīng)滔滔不絕地講了快兩個(gè)小時(shí)，他的話題又來(lái)了：“讓我向進(jìn)化論者提個(gè)問(wèn)題——如果我們?cè)��?jīng)像狒狒那樣長(zhǎng)著尾巴，那么現(xiàn)在尾巴到哪里去

了？”

“我來(lái)試試看，”一位老太太說(shuō)。

“該是我們?cè)谶@里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧�！�

A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.

【譯文】 一個(gè)人正朝著一個(gè)富人的房子走去，當(dāng)他沿著路走時(shí)，在路的一邊他發(fā)現(xiàn)一箱好蘋果，他說(shuō)：“我不打算吃那些蘋果，因?yàn)楦蝗藭?huì)給我更多的食物，他會(huì)給我很好吃的東西�！比缓笏�拿起蘋果，一把扔到土里去。 他繼續(xù)走，來(lái)到河邊，河漲水了，因此，他到不了河對(duì)岸，他等了一會(huì)兒，然后他說(shuō)：“今天我去不了富人家了，因?yàn)槲也荒芏蛇^(guò)河�！� 他開(kāi)始回家，那天他沒(méi)有吃東西。他就開(kāi)始去找吃的，他找到蘋果，很高興地把它們從塵土中翻出來(lái)吃了。 不要把好東西扔掉，換個(gè)時(shí)候你會(huì)覺(jué)得它們大有用處。

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

小學(xué)生英文幽默故事篇二：小學(xué)生英語(yǔ)幽默故事(超全版_中英雙語(yǔ))

Good morning everybody!Today I'll tell a little joke to you.

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two dollars. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two dollars more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy."

OK,thank you

listening,that's all.

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。

“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”

“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說(shuō)。 “你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說(shuō)�！霸俳o你兩分錢�？赡銥槭裁磳�(duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” for

“她是個(gè)賣糖果的�！�

小學(xué)生英文幽默故事篇三：英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典幽默故事

My First and My Last

When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.

George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."

They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"

"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.

第一次與最后一次

喬治35歲時(shí)買了架小型飛機(jī)，并開(kāi)始學(xué)習(xí)駕駛。不久，他就能很嫻熟地駕機(jī)做各種各樣的特技飛行了。

喬治有個(gè)朋友名叫馬克。一天，喬治主動(dòng)邀請(qǐng)馬克乘他的飛機(jī)上天兜一圈。馬克心想，“我乘大客機(jī)飛行過(guò)好幾次，還從來(lái)沒(méi)有乘過(guò)小飛機(jī)，我不妨試一試�！� 升空后，喬治飛了有半個(gè)小時(shí)，在空中做了各種各樣的飛行特技。

后來(lái)他們著陸了。馬克很高興能夠安全返回地面。他用顫抖的聲音對(duì)他的朋友說(shuō)：“喬治，非常感謝你讓我乘小飛機(jī)做了兩次飛行�！�

喬治非常吃驚地問(wèn)：“兩次飛行？”

“是的，我的第一次和最后一次�！瘪R克答道。

First Flight

Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?" "Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."

第一次坐飛機(jī)

約翰遜先生從前未乘過(guò)飛機(jī)，他讀過(guò)許多關(guān)于飛行事故的報(bào)道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀請(qǐng)他乘自己的小飛機(jī)飛行時(shí)，約翰遜先生非常擔(dān)心，不敢接受。不過(guò)，由于朋友不斷保證說(shuō)飛行是很安全的，約翰遜先生終于被說(shuō)服了，登上了飛機(jī)。

他的朋友啟動(dòng)引擎開(kāi)始在機(jī)場(chǎng)跑道上滑行。約翰遜先生聽(tīng)說(shuō)飛行中最危險(xiǎn)的是起飛與降落，所以他嚇得緊閉雙眼。

過(guò)了一兩分鐘，他睜開(kāi)雙眼朝窗外望去，接著對(duì)朋友說(shuō)道：“看下面那些人，他們看起來(lái)就象螞蟻一樣小，是不是？”

“那些就是螞蟻，”他的朋友答道，“我們還在地面上�！�

A Nail Or A Fly?

An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he

hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.

So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.

Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!

釘子還是蒼蠅？

一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進(jìn)了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在墻上有只蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來(lái)摔碎了，酒灑了一地。一個(gè)女服務(wù)員發(fā)現(xiàn)發(fā)生的事情以后，對(duì)他深表同情，決定幫他個(gè)忙。

于是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時(shí)，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過(guò)的地方。 這里，老人回到了房里。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往墻上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。聽(tīng)到一聲大叫，好心的女服務(wù)員沖進(jìn)房來(lái)。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關(guān)緊咬，右手滴血不止。 I'll See to the Rest

A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.

"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"

"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.

"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."

其余的事由我負(fù)責(zé)

一位車上的列車員剛發(fā)出信號(hào)讓火車啟動(dòng)，這時(shí)他看見(jiàn)一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站臺(tái)上一節(jié)打開(kāi)的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說(shuō)話。

“快點(diǎn)，小姐!”他喊道：“請(qǐng)把門關(guān)上�！�

“噢，我還沒(méi)有和妹妹吻別呢�！彼�回答道。

“請(qǐng)把門關(guān)上好了，”列車員說(shuō)：“其余的事由我負(fù)責(zé)�！�

Chaude and Cold

A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."

"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city." 熱與冷

蒙特利爾自助餐廳的一位顧客擰開(kāi)盥洗室的龍頭，結(jié)果被水燙傷了�！斑@太可惡了，”他抱怨道，“標(biāo)著C的龍頭流出的是開(kāi)水�！�

“可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法語(yǔ)里代表?熱?。如果您居住在蒙特利爾的話就得知道這一點(diǎn)�！�

“等等，”那位顧客咆哮一聲，“另外一個(gè)龍頭同樣標(biāo)的是C。”

“當(dāng)然，”經(jīng)理說(shuō)道：“它代表冷。畢竟，蒙特利爾是個(gè)雙語(yǔ)城市�！�

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.

士兵的高招

由于生意方面的事，羅賓遜先生得出趟門。因?yàn)橛悬c(diǎn)緊急，他決定坐飛機(jī)。乘機(jī)旅行時(shí)，他喜歡靠窗坐，故而一登機(jī)，他就尋找一個(gè)靠窗的座位。他發(fā)現(xiàn)只有一個(gè)靠窗的座位還空著。在那空座位邊坐著一名士兵。令羅賓遜先生納悶的是，這位士兵沒(méi)有坐靠窗的位置。羅賓遜先生不管那些，他馬上徑直朝那個(gè)空座位走去。

然而，等到了那兒，他看見(jiàn)座位上有則啟事，是用鋼筆寫的：“為保持裝載平衡，特預(yù)設(shè)該位置，謝謝合作。”羅賓遜先生還從來(lái)沒(méi)有在飛機(jī)上見(jiàn)過(guò)如此不同尋常的啟事。不過(guò)，他想飛機(jī)上一定裝了什么特別重的物品，于是他找了個(gè)不靠窗的位置。

又有兩三個(gè)乘客試圖坐在那個(gè)士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他們看到那則啟事就走開(kāi)了。當(dāng)快滿座時(shí)，一位非常美麗的姑娘匆匆走進(jìn)機(jī)艙。一直在注意進(jìn)艙旅客的那個(gè)士兵趕緊拿掉他旁邊空座位上的啟事。士兵用這種辦法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。 New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"

新發(fā)現(xiàn)

一個(gè)鄉(xiāng)下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走進(jìn)一座大樓，看見(jiàn)一個(gè)歲數(shù)很大的矮胖女人邁進(jìn)一個(gè)小房間。房間的門隨后關(guān)上，有幾個(gè)燈在閃亮。一會(huì)兒，門開(kāi)了，電梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

鄉(xiāng)下人驚奇地眨著眼睛，慢吞吞地說(shuō)：“我應(yīng)該把我的老婆帶來(lái)!”

A Bad Impression

Six people were travelling in a compartment(來(lái)自:www.zuancaijixie.com 蒲公 英文 摘:小學(xué)生英文幽默故事) on a train. Five of them were quiet and well behaved, but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers.

At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the other passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away

and then opened the window and shouted to him, "You left something behind in the compartment!" Then he closed the window again.

The young man truned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired when he arrived, but he shouted through the window, "What did I leave behind?"

As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the window and said, "A very bad impression!"

一個(gè)壞印象

有六個(gè)人搭乘火車旅行，坐在同一車箱內(nèi)。其中五個(gè)很安靜，也很規(guī)矩。但第六個(gè)是個(gè)粗魯?shù)哪贻p人，給其他乘客招惹了許多麻煩。

最后，這位年輕人在一個(gè)車站帶著兩個(gè)沉重的皮箱下了車。沒(méi)有一個(gè)旅客幫他的忙。有個(gè)人一直等到這位粗魯?shù)哪贻p人走得很遠(yuǎn)了，才打開(kāi)窗戶，對(duì)著他大聲喊：“你把東西留在車廂里了!”然后，又把窗戶關(guān)了起來(lái)。

年輕人轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身子，拎著兩個(gè)沉甸甸的皮箱，匆匆趕了回來(lái)。他轉(zhuǎn)回來(lái)時(shí)，顯得非常疲倦，對(duì)著窗戶大聲喊：“我把什么東西留在車上了？”

當(dāng)火車再次啟動(dòng)時(shí)，叫他回來(lái)的旅客打開(kāi)窗戶說(shuō)：“一個(gè)極壞的印象!”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."

"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

安眠藥

鮑勃晚上失眠。他去看醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生給他開(kāi)了一些強(qiáng)力安眠藥。

星期天晚上鮑勃吃了藥，睡得很好，在鬧鐘響之前就醒了過(guò)來(lái)。他到了辦公室，遛達(dá)進(jìn)去，對(duì)老板說(shuō)：“我今天早上起床一點(diǎn)麻煩都沒(méi)有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪兒去了？”

Creative

Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.

I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed. 創(chuàng)造性

第一次求職時(shí)，我意識(shí)到在列舉我所具備的為數(shù)不多的條件時(shí)，得有點(diǎn)創(chuàng)造性。當(dāng)問(wèn)及我是否受過(guò)其它的培訓(xùn)時(shí)，我老實(shí)地回答說(shuō)我花了三年時(shí)間學(xué)計(jì)算機(jī)程序設(shè)計(jì)課。我得到了那份工作。

我沒(méi)有提到那門功課我重復(fù)學(xué)了三年才考及格。

Reminder

In the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here," she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.

"We did," she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card."

催 單

我是一家獸醫(yī)站的技師。當(dāng)動(dòng)物到了該注射疫苗的時(shí)候，我們就寄出催單。一條德國(guó)物質(zhì)牧羊犬布魯諾來(lái)做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。我們依照州法律的要求詢問(wèn)他的主人，在過(guò)去的十天里布魯諾是否咬了什么人。“噢，是的。事實(shí)上這正是我們到這兒來(lái)的原因，”她回答說(shuō)。我覺(jué)得奇怪，告訴她我們以為他們是因?yàn)槭盏搅宋覀兊拇邌尾艁?lái)的。 “的確如此，”她解釋道�！安剪斨Z咬了給你們送催單的郵遞員�！�

Imitate Birds

A man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the producer.

"Imitate birds," the man said.

"Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."

"Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window. 模仿鳥(niǎo)兒

一個(gè)人想在一個(gè)舞臺(tái)劇中找份工作�！澳隳芨墒裁茨兀俊必�(fù)責(zé)人問(wèn)。

“模仿鳥(niǎo)兒，”那人說(shuō)。

“你在開(kāi)玩笑吧？”負(fù)責(zé)人答道，“那樣的人一毛錢可以找一打�！�

“噢，那就算了。”那名演員說(shuō)著，展開(kāi)翅膀，飛出了窗口。

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."

The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"

"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."

你是怎樣來(lái)的？

一個(gè)冬天的早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什么遲到了四十五分鐘才起來(lái)上班�！巴饷嫣�滑了，我每向前邁一步，就要向后退兩步。”

老板狐疑地看著他。“噢，是嗎？那你是怎樣到這里來(lái)的？”

“后來(lái)我決定放棄，”他說(shuō)，“然后我就往家里走�！�

Three Surgeons

Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."

"That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner."

"I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."

三個(gè)外科醫(yī)生

三個(gè)有名的外科醫(yī)生正在吹噓他們的技術(shù)�！耙粋�(gè)人斷了一只手，他來(lái)找我，”一個(gè)說(shuō)，“如今那個(gè)人是個(gè)音樂(lè)會(huì)的小提琴手�！�

“這算不了什么，”另一個(gè)說(shuō)�！耙粋�(gè)家伙兩條腿斷了，他來(lái)找我，我將它們接了回去。如今，那人是馬拉松選手。”

“我比你們兩個(gè)都強(qiáng)，”第三個(gè)說(shuō)，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的車禍。除了一個(gè)馬屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都沒(méi)有留下。如今，那人坐在美國(guó)參議院里。”

One Side of the Case

A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.

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