英語幽默段子

英語幽默段子篇一：【英語趣聞】美國人最喜歡的幽默段子

【英語趣聞】美國人最喜歡的幽默段子

1、I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. 我的品味最簡單了，我總是對最好的感到滿意

注：前一句好像在說自己對品味要求不高

2、If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”

如果你愛某人，就給他自由，但是如果他患了皰疹回來，你不要吃驚

3、Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.

智慧來自經(jīng)驗，經(jīng)驗常常是缺少智慧的結果

4、Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

嘿，Rosalie？你知道怎樣淹死一個金發(fā)美女嗎？在池塘底部粘上一面鏡子 注：美國有不少說金發(fā)美女愚蠢的笑話，在池底照鏡子被淹死了

5、In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.

起初，什么也沒有，然后就爆炸了

注：宇宙中最早什么也沒有，然后就大爆炸了

6、Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

生活不模仿藝術，它模仿糟糕的電視節(jié)目

注：人們的生活沒有那么高的藝術性，年輕人模仿一些糟糕的電視節(jié)目而已

好消息！好消息！線話英語為了滿足更多用戶的需求，也為了感謝大家對線話英語教育的支持和肯定，我們準備了一系列的優(yōu)惠活動等著大家來領取。還在糾結選哪家英語培訓學校的大家我們特此準備了一鍵注冊線話英語網(wǎng)站，立即就能獲得體驗試聽課。機會難得不容錯過，還有更多優(yōu)惠活動即將推出。敬請

關注線話英語官方網(wǎng)站。

7、To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

失去一個父母可能會被認為是不幸，兩個都lose(失去，走丟)看起來就像是粗心了。

注：第一個“l(fā)ose”是“失去”的意思，第二個”lose”應該是“丟失”的意思，沒看好父母，把父母丟了，這孩子太粗心了。

8、What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course”

我在床上穿什么？

——這還用問嗎？當然是香奈兒5號

9、The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

我歲數(shù)越大越不相信“歲月帶來智慧”這種熟悉的說法。

注：意思是“我歲數(shù)越來越大，可為什么還不見智慧的到來”。

10、The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”

商業(yè)上激烈競爭的不幸是，即使你勝了，你依然是一只老鼠

注：rat race(商界的)激烈競爭；字面意思：老鼠競賽

11、Just because you're beautiful and perfect,it's made you conceited. 正是因為你美麗、完美，才讓你變得自負

注：真會夸人

12、Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

老鼠是要讓我們明白，自然界不是每樣東西都有用途

13、The covers of this book are too far apart.

這本書的封面相距太遠了

注：說那本書很厚

14、That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

這就是他們?yōu)槭裁捶Q之為美國夢，因為你一定要睡著了才能相信它

15、You're an idiot.

I've never claimed to be otherwise.

你是個傻瓜

——我從來沒有聲稱我不是

16、Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know.

自信是無知，如果你感到過于自信，那是因為有些事情你不知道

17、Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared.” 嚴格法律意義上講，我沒帶武器，但是誰也不應該低估指甲能夠造成的傷害，特別是如果目標沒有準備

18、There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

世界上只有一件事情比被人談論更糟糕，那就是不被人談論

注：很多演員說討厭被人八卦，不被人八卦才著急呢

19、If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.

如果我的醫(yī)生告訴我，我的生命只剩下6分鐘了，我就不會沉思了，我打字會更快一些

20、Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.

哦，上帝，如果你原諒我跟你開的小玩笑

我會原諒你跟我開的大玩笑

英語幽默段子篇二：幽默英語小段子R

【第一條】

Examination and many children, so that the number of honest learned cheating. 考試害了多少個孩子，讓多少誠實的孩子學會了作弊。

【第二條】

For beautiful eyes, on the line, and told myself, my wife than they were.

對于美女，看兩眼就行，轉身告訴自己，我老婆比她們都好。

【第三條】

Did you find, those who hate you, looks very ugly.

你有沒有發(fā)現(xiàn)，那些討厭你的人，長得都特別丑。

【第四條】

Since I will play QQ, I found my pinyin is getting better and better, the study did not have this effect.

自從會玩QQ后，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我拼音越來越好了，讀書都沒這效果。

【第五條】

I have a flirt with hot chicks ability, but he is a girl.

我空有一身泡妞的本事，可惜自己是個妞。

【第六條】

I do not smoke cigarettes, is not lonely, second-hand smoke!

我抽的不是煙，也不是寂寞，是二手煙！

【第七條】

Examination of people rely on strength, and I rely on the rich imagination.

考試有人靠的是實力，而我靠的是豐富的想象力。

【第八條】

Abroad: Thought and ability is the key, the domestic: relationship and can run. 國外：思想和才能才是王道，國內：關系和馬屁才能橫行。

【第九條】

The teacher said to hear and fine, I know he's salary.

聽到老師說又要開始罰錢，我就知道是他工資花完了。

【第十條】

The man called the romantic love rich, rich in the coquettish woman.

男人情史豐富那叫風流，女人情史豐富那叫風騷。

【第十一條】

One, two people, three person is to fight at outrance.

一個人快活，兩個人生活，三個人就是你死我活。

【第十二條】

Grandpa Mao said, not to marry for the purpose of making object is bullying. 毛爺爺說，不以結婚為目的的搞對象都是耍流氓。

【第十三條】

Brother, you have to face the resolution is good?

大哥，把你臉上的分辨率調低點好嗎？

【第十四條】

In heaven there is no white out the pie, but white out the bricks.

天上沒有白掉的餡餅，倒有白掉的磚頭。

【第十五條】

Ideals are like the pants, have, but not everyone can go to prove that you have! 理想就像內褲，要有，但不能逢人就去證明你有！

【第十六條】

More to their fucking great time also can not compare with idiot years.

再多各自牛逼的時光 也比不上一起傻逼的歲月。

【第十七條】

Thinking of how far, how far you roll; light how fast, how fast you roll.

思想有多遠，你就滾多遠；光速有多快，你就滾多快。

【第十八條】

Chinese two big characteristics: one, don't love the truth; two, do not want to hear the truth.

中國人就兩大特點：一，不愛說實話；二，不愛聽實話。

【第十九條】

You look very Chinese, very dedicated, very backbone.

你長的很愛國，很敬業(yè)，很有骨氣。

【第二十條】

Germany is the only woman, I think I must be too mean.

女子無才便是德，我想我一定是太缺德了。

英語幽默段子篇三：英語幽默句子

幽默的英語句子

1) Money is not everything. There?s Mastercard & Visa.

鈔票不是萬能的，有時還需要信用卡。

2) One should love animals. They are so tasty.

每個人都應該熱愛動物，因為它們很好吃。 3)Save water. Shower with your girlfriend. 要節(jié)約用水，盡量和女友一起洗澡。

4)Love the neighbor. But don?t get caught.

要用心去愛你的鄰居，不過不要讓她的老公知道。

5)Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. 每個成功男人的背后，都有一個女人。每個不成功男人的背后，都有兩個女人。 6)Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

再快樂的單身漢遲早也會結婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。

7)The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.

聰明人都是未婚的，結婚的人很難再聰明起來。

8)Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

成功是一個相關名詞，他會給你帶來很多不相關的親戚（聯(lián)系）。

9)Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。

10)Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.

愛情就象照片，需要大量的暗房時間來培養(yǎng)。（老外也保守，要摸黑辦事，哈哈）

11)Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children. 后排座位上的小孩會生出意外，后排座位上的意外會生出小孩。

12)"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep. "

現(xiàn)在的夢想決定著你的將來"，所以還是再睡一會吧。

13)There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.

應該有更好的方式開始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每個上午都醒來。

14)"Hard work never killed anybody." But why take the risk? "

"努力工作不會導致死亡！"不過我不會用自己去證明。

15)"Work fascinates me." I can look at it for hours! "

"工作好有意思耶！"尤其是看著別人工作。

16)God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.

神決定了誰是你的親戚，幸運的是在選擇朋友方面他給了你留了余地。

17)When two?s company, three?s the result! 兩個人的狀態(tài)是不穩(wěn)定的，三個人才是！

18)A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view. 服飾就象鐵絲網(wǎng)，它阻止你冒然行動但并不妨礙你盡情的觀看。

19)The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.

學的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘記的越多，忘記的越多，知道的越少，為什么學來著？

1.國外有個節(jié)目采訪lord of ring（指環(huán)王）里面那個小哈比人時，他講了個冷笑話：Q: a deer, has no eyes, what's its name？（一只鹿，沒有眼睛，應該叫什么？）

A: I don?t know ,what is it？（我不知道，該叫什么？）

Q: no eye deer……(no idea)（沒眼睛鹿……沒主意（英語口語的諧音））

agian, a deer has no eyes, no legs, what's its name？（那么，一只鹿，沒眼睛，也沒有腿，該叫什么？）

A: I don?t know, what's it then？（我還是不知道，應該叫什么？）

Q: still no idea……”（還是沒眼睛鹿（用了諧音））

2.某次英文考試有兩道題目：

1）我穿上外套，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)第一個扣子掉了。

2）他聽見電話鈴響，就過去接了電話。

正確答案應為：

1）I put on my coat and found its first button was gone.

2）As soon as he heard the phone ringing, he went to pick it up.

但是某生的答案是：

1）Shit!

2）Hello?

3老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money，并讓同學們翻譯。

有名學生答道：“湯姆是瑪麗�！�

4小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?

老師說：Go ahead.

小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?

老師說：Go ahead.

小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學于是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎么不去？小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」��！

5某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hongtao liu．

外賓曰：我他媽還是方片七呢！

6江青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。

外賓一見到江青，立刻拍馬屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful."

翻譯照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：“哪里，哪里”。

翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文："Where? Where?"

外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問哪里漂亮的，干脆馬屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."翻譯：“你到處都很漂亮�！�

江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：“不見得，不見得”。

翻譯趕緊翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."

7一對熱戀中的男女。女生非常沒有安全感，于是對著男友說：“SAY (轉 載于:www.zuancaijixie.com 蒲公 英文摘:英語幽默段子)?I LOVE YOU!!?SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY IT!”

男的答道：“IT!”

8某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞，

忙說：I am sorry.

老外應道：I am sorry too.

某人聽后又道：I am sorry three.

老外不解，問：What are you sorry for?

某人無奈，道：I am sorry five.

9某男，亦粗通英文，至使館，有表要填，有一欄是：Sex，該男思之久已，毅然下筆：“Once a week”。

簽證官觀后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”

該男頓時赧顏，思之，填下“female”，官楞之，曰：“shouldn?t it be male?”

男急釋曰：“I am a normal man, so I have sex with female.

和“Kiss”有關的詞匯

kiss-ass n.馬屁精,諂媚者, 奉承

kiss good-bye 吻別, 放棄,失去

kiss of death n.死神之吻，乍看有益但會導致毀滅的行為

kiss of life n.生命之吻

kiss of live n.口對口人工呼吸

kiss of peace [宗] 接吻禮,團結友愛的接吻

kiss the rod v.甘心受罰

kiss the post v.吃閉門羹；為時過晚

blow a kiss 飛吻

vacuum kiss 真空吻（*ing the air out of one?s partner?s mouth and lungs）

French kiss 法式接吻（kiss with your mouth open and your tongues touching）Platonic kiss 柏拉圖之吻（short kiss on the check for greeting）

Smooch v/n 熱吻

Peckn 匆匆輕吻

經(jīng)典英語繞口令

1. Canners can can what they can can but can not can things can't be canned.

2. Bill's big brother is building a beautiful building between two big brick blocks.

3.Please, Paul, pause for applause.

4.“Shall I show you the shop for shoes and shirts?” Shirley said to shelly.

5.Do you agree, if you are free to come to tea with me by the sea?

6.Paul called from the hall that he had slipped on the floor and couldn't get to the door.

7.I'd buy my ties before the price begins to rise.

8.A snow-white swan swam swiftly to catch a slowly swimming snake in a lake.

9.It is a fine thing to sing in Spring, I think.

10.Famine and failure faced the frightened farmer.

11.I am amazed it is a craze these days to dance to music of Jazz.

12.In winter the weather in Wales is wild

13.I know. You know. I know that you know. I know that you know that I know.

14.Mike likes to write by the nice bright light at night.

15.Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.

英語諺語500句 （A:51--100）

51)A man becomes learned by asking questions.

不恥下問才能有學問。

52)A man can do no more than he can.

凡事都應量力而行。

53)A man cannot spin and reel at the same time.

一心不能二用。

54)A man is known by his friends.

什么人交什么朋友。

55)A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds. 光說空話不做事，猶如花園光長刺。

56)A man without money is no man at all.

一分錢難倒英雄漢。

57)A merry heart goes all the way.

心曠神怡，事事順利。

58) A miss is as good as a mile.

失之毫厘，差之千里。

59)A mother's love never changes.

母愛永恒。

60)An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

一天一蘋果，不用請醫(yī)生。

61) A new broom sweeps clean.

新官上任三把火。

62) An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.

以眼還眼，以牙還牙。

63) An hour in the morning is worth two in the evening.一日之計在于晨。

64) An old dog cannot learn new tricks.

老狗學不出新把戲。

65) An ounce of luck is better than a pound of wisdom. 聰明才智，不如運氣。

66) An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

預防為主，治療為輔。

67) A rolling stone gathers no moss.

滾石不生苔，轉業(yè)不聚財。

68) As a man sows, so he shall reap.

種瓜得瓜，種豆得豆。

69) A single flower does not make a spring.

一花獨放不是春，百花齊放春滿園。

70)A snow year, a rich year.

瑞雪兆豐年。

71) A sound mind in a sound body.

健全的精神寓于健康的身體。

72) A still tongue makes a wise head.

寡言者智。

73) A stitch in time saves nine.

小洞不補，大洞吃苦。

74) A straight foot is not afraid of a crooked shoe.

身正不怕影子斜。

75) A wise head makes a close mouth.

真人不露相，露相非真人。

76) A word spoken is past recalling.

一言既出，駟馬難追。

77) A year's plan starts with spring.

一年之計在于春。

78) A young idler, an old beggar.

少壯不努力，老大徒傷悲。

79) Bad news has wings.

好事不出門，壞事傳千里。

80) Barking dogs seldom bite.

吠犬不咬人.

81) Beauty lies in the love's eyes.

情人眼里出西施。

82) Be swift to hear, slow to speak.

聽宜敏捷，言宜緩行。

83) Better late than never.

不怕慢，單怕站。

84) Better to ask the way than go astray.

問路總比迷路好。

85) Between friends all is common.

朋友之間不分彼此。

86) Birds of a feather flock together.

物以類聚，人以群分。

87) Blood is thicker than water.

血濃于水。

88) Blood will have blood.

血債血償。

89) Books and friends should be few but good.

讀書如交友，應求少而精。

90) Business is business.

公事公辦。

91) Business is the salt of life.

事業(yè)是人生的第一需要。

92) By reading we eich the mind, by conversation we polish it.讀書使人充實，交談使人精明。

93) Cannot see the wood for the trees.

相關熱詞搜索：英語 段子 幽默 國際象棋英語幽默段子 幽默英語笑話段子