高中英語幽默故事

高中英語幽默故事篇一：英語幽默故事

英語幽默故事

1. “I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty dollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

2. Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

3. Are Flies Yummy?

Tony and his father are eating dinner.

Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?”

Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it’s yucky. Why do you ask me thisquestion? It’s a silly question.”

But Tony says, “There was one fly in your plate.”

4.

Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand and cold cause it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?John：Well ，in the summer the days are long

and in the winter the days are short.

5.

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

6. Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.

Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.

7.

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

8.

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir,

but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other, so I am trying to stop it."

9. Patience

Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself?

Onlooker: I haven't got the patience.

10. What a big deal

A young businessman had just started his business, and rented abeautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. “Can I help you?” The man said, “Sure. I’ve come to install the phone.”

11. Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, “ Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream.”

“Why did it make you late?” inquired the teacher.

“Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time.” replied Mike.

12.Big Head

“All the kids make fun of me” the boy cried to his mother.” They say I have a big head”

“Don’t listen to them.” his mother comforted him.” You have abeautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”

“Where’s the shopping bag?”

“I haven’t got one, use your hat.”

13. Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. “What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”

“I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.

“You’re a good boy,” said the mother proudly. “Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.”

14. Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

“Look,” said the elder brother. “How nice these paintings are!” “Yes,” said the younger, “but in all these paintings there is onlythe mother and the children. Where is the father?”

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, “ Obviously he was painting the pictures.”

15 The Mean Man’s Party

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, “Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push with your foot.”

“Why use my elbow and foot?”

“Well, gosh,” was the reply, “You’re not coming empty-handed, are you?”

16. Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?” “Ten.” Jim says.

高中英語幽默故事篇二：50個有趣小故事,讓你成功記住高中所有形似單詞!(上)

50個有趣小故事，讓你成功記住高中所有形似單詞�。ㄉ希�

1.馬戲團的鸚鵡

它一歲的age(年紀)會說人的language(語言)，頭腦很懂manage(經(jīng)營)，要求增加wage(薪水)，惹得老板rage(發(fā)怒)把它關進cage(籠子)。

2.敗家女的生活

天生就很lazy(懶惰的)，生活就愛cozy(舒適的)，上街血拼crazy(瘋狂的)，體胖心感uneasy(不安的)，減肥虛脫dizzy(頭暈眼花的)，成天沉溺fantasy(幻想)。

3.貧農發(fā)家史

地下播下seed(種子)，種出卻是weed(雜草)，只能當作feed(飼料)，生存無法proceed(繼續(xù))，冒險去采seaweed(海帶)，腳被刺傷bleed(流血)，拼命加快speed(速度)，回來銷售succeed(成功)，見財心生greed(貪婪)。

4.武術冠軍擒賊

那天我騎著cycle(自行車)，見有人偷舊bicycle(自行車)，還美其名曰recycle(回收利用)，我便鼓起了muscle(肌肉)，八卦掌劃出semicircle(半圓)擒賊，被寫進了article(文章)。

5.英國的過去

大英帝國無bound(邊界)，英聯(lián)邦國家abound(大量存在)，流通貨幣是pound(英鎊)，隨處英語的sound(聲音)，滿城紳士牽hound(獵狗)。

6.超級逃兵

行軍方向forward(向前的)，他的方向backward(向后的)，逃跑方式awkward(笨拙的)，其實是個coward(懦夫)。

7.掌舵手

有一個volunteer(志愿者)，把船來steer(駕駛)，快樂是sheer(純粹的)，神情卻queer(古怪的)，高傲像deer(鹿)。

8.碼頭黑老大

野心相當large(大的)，想把地盤enlarge(擴大)，要想在這discharge(卸貨)，保護費要overcharge(多收)，誰敢把我charge(控告)。

9.便宜無好貨

話說有個student(學生)，旅行需要tent(帳篷)，去到商店rent(租借)只要幾百cent(分)，野營發(fā)生accident(事故)，原來沒有vent(通風孔)，骨架還全bent(彎曲)，奸商讓人resent(憤恨)。

10.排骨搶劫案

教堂旁邊的shop(商店)，正大聲播放pop(流行音樂)，賣美味紅燒chop(排骨)，口水好像要drop(滴下)，無奈沒有錢shop(買東西)，搶一盤朝外hop(跳躍)，越過絆腳的mop(拖把)，猛地撞上了bishop(主教)，被抓住交給cop(警察)。

11.登山隊員

購買裝備時bargain(討價還價)，買到次貨是certain(必然的)，正當要翻越mountain(山脈)，裝備壞了直complain(抱怨)，價格把質量contain(包含)，悔不聽商家explain(解釋)。

12.童話版9.11

有一只pest(害蟲)，穿一件vest(背心)，飛向southwest(西南)，撞樹上nest(巢穴)，世道不公我protest(抗議)。

13.作家的退休生活

每月都領pension(退休金)，天天守著television(電視機)，社交沒有

occasion(場合)，生活缺乏passion(激情)，于是下定decision(決心)進行舊書revision(修訂)。

14.八戒怨唐僧

總住破爛hut(小屋)，門都沒有shut(關閉)，餐餐吃peanut(花生)，一年沒haircut(理發(fā))，老指俺的nut(堅果，頭)，說等妖怪cut(砍，剪)。

15.白領的周末

周末加班待在公司brood(沉思)，想不出方案沒mood(心情)，討厭天天吃fast(快餐)，披上風衣套上hood(風帽)，穿過吵鬧的neighborhood(四鄰)，散步來到寧靜的wood(小樹林)。

16.冬日找工記

空氣中透著chill(寒意)，感覺就要fall ill(生病)，吞下了兩顆pill(藥丸)，手拿著一瓶milk(牛奶)，出門走去woolen will(毛紡廠)，決心去學門skill(技能)，一定把夢想fulfill(實現(xiàn))，心里激動身體thrill(發(fā)抖)，牛奶不慎被spill(灑落，唉! 天不從人will(意愿)，還是買肉回家grill(燒烤)，先把肚子fulfill(填滿)。

17.午夜兇鈴

陰森森的well(井)，井邊鋪滿shell(貝殼)，井底是個hell(地獄)，貞子在里dwell(居住)，邪氣被人smell(聞到)，她被抓去cell(小牢房)，身體開始swell(腫脹)，爬出電視yell(叫喊)。

18.超級噩夢

我變成了hare(兔子)，土著上身bare(赤裸的)，個個對我glare(瞪眼)，他們圍在square(廣場)，說要把我share(分享)，掙扎無人care(在意)，突然間 I’m aware(意識到)It’s a nightmare(噩夢)。

19.望夫石

夫去南洋explore(探險)，要去尋找ore(礦石)，路途兇險ignore(不顧)，妻子對他adore(愛慕)，日夜勤做chore(家務)，汗水弄粗pore(毛孔)，

furthermore(而且)，眼睛哭到sore(疼痛的)，望穿秋水ashore(在岸上)。

20.紂王被伐

紂王生性merciless(殘忍的)，迷戀妖狐reckless(不計后果的)，引發(fā)后患

endless(無窮盡的)，百姓感到hopeless(無

望的)，揭竿起義doutless(無疑的)，

紂王被困helpless(無助的)，悔恨愧疚useless(無用的)，民心才是priceless(無價的)。

21.犒勞自己

鼓起極大的nerve(勇氣)，把豪華酒店reserve(預定)，享受專人來serve(伺候)，這一切我都deserve(值得)。

22.新好官員

話說得很direct(直接的)，錯誤善于detect(發(fā)現(xiàn))，缺點從不neglect(忽視)，用人細心select(挑選)，公共設施erect(建造)，人民利益protect(保護)。

23.猜猜這是哪

有一個nation(國家)最崇拜examination(考試)，不考查creation(創(chuàng)造)，只檢查information(知識)，不管你有多少imagination(想象力)，也只能聽到老師的explanation(解釋)。

24.天庭擾民

選定了下凡candidate(候選人)，天庭就準備celebration(慶祝)，玉帝的馬車acceleration(加速)，聲響把大地vibrate(震動)，光電在天上generate(產生)，嚇壞人間的magistrate(地方官員)。

25.盜墓者

高中英語幽默故事篇三：英語經(jīng)典幽默故事

英語經(jīng)典幽默故事

故事一

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him. “The best way, sir, ”said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I’d pulled you out, they’d chuck me in.”

最好的獎賞

一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何能酬謝他�！白詈玫霓k法，長官，”這名水手說，“是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的�！�

故事二

I Taught the Teacher

Mother asked her little boy,”Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?” “Nothing, Mum.” Answered the son proudly, “instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.”

我教老師

母親問她年幼的兒子：“寶貝，今天老師教了你些什么？”兒子驕傲地說：“什么都沒教，媽媽。她反倒問我一加二等于幾，我告訴她等于三�！�

故事三

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. “It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two.”

The boss eyed him suspiciously. ”O(jiān)h, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?”

“I finally gave up,” he said, “and started for home.”

你是怎么來的？

一個冬天的早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什么遲到了四十五分鐘才來上班�！巴饷嫣�滑了，我每向前邁一步，就要向后退兩步�！�

老板狐疑地看著他�！班蓿�是嗎？那你是怎么到這兒來的？”

“后來我決定放棄，”他說，“然后我就往家里走�！�

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