幽默笑話英文

幽默笑話英文篇一：英語幽默笑話集錦絕對好笑

一． Mental deficiency 智力缺陷

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked ..."how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." " Well, What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

“醫(yī)生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對于一個看 上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢？”“再沒有比這容易的了，”醫(yī)生回答，“問他一個簡單的問題，簡單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不 干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了�！薄澳且獑柺裁礃拥膯栴}呢？”“嗯，你可以這樣問，?庫克船長環(huán)球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次 呢？?”鮑勃想了一會兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問另外一個問題嗎？坦率地說，我對歷史了解的不是很多。”

二． A Girl's Name 女孩的名字

A Girl's Name

When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） .

Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.

Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.

女孩的名字

女兒出生時，我們給她取名叫邁爾斯，和我深愛的業(yè)已過世的父親同一個名字，不過家人提醒這個名字太男性化了。

幾年以后，我覺得邁爾斯已經(jīng)長大，能夠懂事了。我對她解釋說：你的名字很特別。我給你取了一個和我爸爸一樣的名字，因為我非常愛他。我相信他會為你而深感自豪的。

邁爾斯很仔細(xì)地想了一下，然后說道：這些我都懂，媽媽�？墒俏也恢�道外公為什么會有一個女孩子的名字。

三． A Gentle Reminder委婉提醒

Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"

Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?" 婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一個特別事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我們結(jié)婚35周年紀(jì)念的早上，我們正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“親愛的，你意識到我們在這兩個相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了嗎？”

他放下報紙，眼睛直直地望著我：“因此，你想交換座位嗎？”

四． 請朋友吃飯 Fr(轉(zhuǎn) 載 于:www.zuancaijixie.com 蒲 公英文 摘:幽默笑話英文)iend for Dinner

Friend for Dinner

Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!

I know all that.

Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.

請朋友吃飯

“親愛的，”丈夫?qū)ζ拮诱f：“我邀請了一位朋友回家吃晚飯�！�

“什么？你瘋了嗎？我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯�！�

“這些我全都知道。”

“那你為什么還要邀請朋友回來吃晚飯？”

“因為那個可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結(jié)婚呢。”

五． 半個還是十分之五Half or Five Tenths?

Half or Five Tenths?

Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.

Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.

Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

半個還是十分之五

老師：你愿意要半個柑橘，還是十分之五個柑橘?

杰拉得：我寧可要半個。

老師：仔細(xì)想想，說出理由來。

杰拉得：因為你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就損失太多了。

六． I don't think I know我想我不知道

Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

John: "What do you think it is, sir?"

Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"

老師：“John，動詞ring的過去分詞是什么？”。

約翰：“你想它是什么呢”？

老師：“我不用想，我知道！”。

約翰：“我想我不知道”。

七． 情人節(jié)的夢表亂講

One night just before Valentine's Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it could mean?"

"You'll find out on Valentine's Day." he said with a knowing smile.

On Valentine's Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.

Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".

情人節(jié)前一天，一個女人做了個項鏈的夢。

當(dāng)她醒來，她和她丈夫說：“我剛夢到你情人節(jié)給了我一根珍珠項鏈。你說那是什么含義呢？”。

“到情人節(jié)那天你就會知道了。”他笑著說。

情人節(jié)那天，男人給了他老婆一個禮盒。

她很興奮地打開，看到的卻是一本書，書名是《夢的解析》。

八． 最物理學(xué)的冷笑話

A bunch of great, DEAD scientists were playing hide-and-seek in heaven. When it's Einstein's turn to be the seeker, he counted untill 100 and opened his eyes. All the others were hide, but only Newton were still standing there.

Einstein walked to him and said: "Newton, I've got you!"

Newton answered: "No. You didn't got Newton."

Einstein said: "Then who are you!?"

Newton said: "Look, where am I standing?"

Einstein looked down and found that Newton was standing on a square floor board with one metre long and one metre wide. He didn't understand.

Newton then said: "There's one square meters under my feet. It then make us 'Newton divided by square meter". So, what you've got is not Newton, but Pascal."

一群偉大的科學(xué)家去世后在天堂里玩藏貓貓。輪到愛因斯坦抓人，他數(shù)到100睜開眼睛，看到所有的人都藏起來了，只有牛頓還站在那里。

愛因斯坦走過去說：“牛頓，我抓住你了�！�

牛頓：“不，你沒有抓到牛頓�！�

愛因斯坦：“你不是牛頓你還能是誰？”

牛頓：“你看我腳下是什么？”

愛因斯坦低頭，看到牛頓站在一塊長、寬都是一米的正方形地板磚上，大為不解。

牛頓：“我腳下是一平方米的方塊，我站在上面就是牛頓/平方米。所以你抓住的不是牛頓，你抓住的是帕斯卡。”

物理公式當(dāng)中“1牛頓/平方米=1帕斯卡”??物理學(xué)家的笑話好冷、真的好冷??

九． 上帝不聾奶奶聾

Spending the night with their grandparents, 2 young boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers at bedtime. The younger boy began praying at the top of his lungs:"I PRAY FOR A BIKE... I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD..."

His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

2個男孩與祖父母一起過夜，他們跪在床邊做睡前禱告。弟弟聲嘶力竭地祈禱: "我祈求一輛自行車，一張新DVD??"

哥哥用肘輕推他: "你為什么大喊著祈禱？上帝又不聾。"

弟弟答道:"上帝是不聾，但是奶奶聾。"

“好孩子�，F(xiàn)在告訴我們，你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的�！�

“是這樣的，老師。我昨天去看她，在她那兒呆了三個小時。然后我跟她說：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她說：‘啊，我很高興！’”

十． 謹(jǐn)遵醫(yī)囑 Doctor's Orders

幽默笑話英文篇二：經(jīng)典英文笑話集錦(雙語對照)

經(jīng)典英文笑話集錦(雙語對照)

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says

"Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

四個好朋友在醫(yī)院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產(chǎn).護士過來對第一個男人說:"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達(dá)雙子隊的經(jīng)理."過了一會兒,護士過來對第二個男人說:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,護士跑來對第三個男人說:"恭喜,你得了2對雙胞胎."男人很開心地說:"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們?nèi)齻�都很高興,但第四個伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝并用頭撞墻.他們問他有什么不對勁,他回答道:"什么不對勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

呵呵,一個比一個效率高.

Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!

拉登,一加拿大人還有布什總統(tǒng)走在大街上看到一盞金色的燈.他們擦了擦燈出現(xiàn)了一個精靈.精靈說:"我要滿足你們每人一個愿望總共三個."加拿大人說:"我是個父親我兒子將成為農(nóng)夫,因此我想讓加拿大的土地永遠(yuǎn)肥沃."精靈說了咒語愿望實現(xiàn)了.拉登看了很驚奇,他希望有座城墻圍繞阿富汗.精靈又說了咒語愿望又實現(xiàn)了.布什總統(tǒng)問:"精靈請告訴我關(guān)于這座墻

的事情."精靈回答:"墻厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何東西出不來外面的任何東西進不去."布什總統(tǒng)說:"哇!那是座大橋耶...注滿水!!!"

My Baby Swallowed a Bullet

Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ?

Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody."

Notes

1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一顆子彈

2. to point at: 對...瞄準(zhǔn)

個中意味自己體會吧 :)

Allybaby

Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

兩個獵人進森林里打獵，其中一個獵人不慎跌倒，兩眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一個獵人趕緊拿出手機撥通緊急求助電話。接線員沉著地說：“第一步，要先確定你的朋友已經(jīng)死亡�！庇谑�，接線員在電話里聽到一聲槍響，然后聽到那獵人接著問：“第二步怎辦？”

fool_fox

標(biāo)題：I'm the boss

內(nèi)容：The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

note:staff meeting:員工會議

再來一個：Wife's picture

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.

After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.

The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

note:tavern 酒館, 客棧

martini 馬提尼酒

peek/pi;k/ n.一瞥, 匆忙看過v.偷看

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1.A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"上帝說:"一秒鐘."最后男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過一秒鐘."

2.Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama

looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!

拉登,一加拿大人還有布什總統(tǒng)走在大街上看到一盞金色的燈.他們擦了擦燈出現(xiàn)了一個精靈.精靈說:"我要滿足你們每人一個愿望總共三個."加拿大人說:"我是個父親我兒子將成為農(nóng)夫,因此我想讓加拿大的土地永遠(yuǎn)肥沃."精靈說了咒語愿望實現(xiàn)了.拉登看了很驚奇,他希望有座城墻圍繞阿富汗.精靈又說了咒語愿望又實現(xiàn)了.布什總統(tǒng)問:"精靈請告訴我關(guān)于這座墻的事情."精靈回答:"墻厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何東西出不來外面的任何東西進不去."布什總統(tǒng)說:"哇!那是座大橋耶...注滿水!!!"

3.Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the

emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the

other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

兩個獵人進森林里打獵，其中一個獵人不慎跌倒，兩眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一個獵人趕緊拿出手機撥通緊急求助電話。接線員沉著地說：“第一步，要先確定你的朋友已經(jīng)死亡。”于是，接線員在電話里聽到一聲槍響，然后聽到那獵人接著問：“第二步怎辦？”

4.Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."

"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

為我所用

一頭大象對一只小老鼠說：“你無疑是我見過的最小、最沒用的東西。”

“請再說一遍，讓我把它記下來。”老鼠說�！拔乙�講給我認(rèn)識的一只跳蚤聽。

5.Watering Flower In Rain

Tom:Why doyou have that watering can?

Dan:I'm going to water the flowers.

Tom:But it'd raining.

Dan:That's OK.I'm wear-ing my raincoat.

雨天澆花

湯姆：你拿噴壺做什么？

丹：我要去澆花。

湯姆：可是，在下雨呀！

丹：沒關(guān)系，我穿著雨衣呢！

How are you? (怎么是你？）

How old are you?（怎么老是你？）

Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa.

鈔票不是萬能的,有時還需要信用卡.

One should love animals. They are so tasty.

每個人都應(yīng)該熱愛動物,因為它們很好吃.

Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.

要節(jié)約用水,盡量和女友一起洗澡.

Love the neighbor. But don't get caught.

要用心去愛你的鄰居,不過不要讓她的老公知道.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

每個成功男人的背后,都有一個女人. 每個不成功男人的背后, 都有兩個.

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

再快樂的單身漢遲早也會結(jié)婚,幸福不是永久的嘛.

The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise. 聰明人都是未婚的,結(jié)婚的人很難再聰明起來.

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

成功是一個相關(guān)名詞,他會給你帶來很多不相關(guān)的親戚（聯(lián)系）.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. 不要等明天交不上差再找借口, 今天就要找好.

Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.

愛情就象照片,需要大量的暗房時間來培養(yǎng). （老外也保守，要摸黑辦事，哈哈）

Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.

后排座位上的小孩會生出意外, 后排座位上的意外會生出小孩.

"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.

幽默笑話英文篇三：英語幽默笑話帶翻譯

英語幽默笑話帶翻譯

1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 醫(yī)生懂得多

一個男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進了醫(yī)院.他的妻子站在他的床前對醫(yī)生說:"我想他傷得很厲害."醫(yī)生說:"我怕他已經(jīng)死了."聽到醫(yī)生的話,這個男人轉(zhuǎn)動著頭說:"我沒死,我還活著."妻子說:"安靜,醫(yī)生比你懂得多."

2:You can't go without me

The bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him. "Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.

"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.

"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.

沒有我你們走不了

公共汽車上很擁擠.一位男士想上車,但是沒有人給他讓路.

"喂,讓我上車!"那位男士喊道.

"車太擠了,你最好坐下一輛"車上的一位乘客對他說.

"但是沒有我你們走不了.我是司機!"那位男士說道.

3:Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了�！� “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”

4:Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生�！蹦切∧泻⒄f。 5:Dear white, something you got to know .When I was born, I was black.When I grow up, I am blackWhen I'm under the sun, I'm blackWhen I'm cold, I'm blackWhen I'm afraid, I'm black.

When I'm sick, I'm black.When I die, I'm still black.you---white

people,When you were born, you were pink.When you grow up, you become white.You're red under the sun.You're blue when you're cold.You are yellow when you're afraid.You're green when you're sick.You're gray when you die.And you, call me "color"?

親愛的白種人，有幾件事你必須知道。 當(dāng)我出生時，我是黑色的我長大了，我是黑色的我在陽光下，我是黑色的我寒冷時，我是黑色的我害怕時，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的當(dāng)我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白種人，當(dāng)你出生時，你是粉紅色的。你長大了，變成白色的。你在陽光下，你是紅色的。你寒冷時，你是青色的。你害怕時，你是黃色的。你生病時，你是綠色的。當(dāng)你死時，你是灰色的。而你，卻叫我「有色人種」？

6：Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀！”

“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。

那爸爸去哪兒了呢？”

哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時正在畫這些畫唄�！�

7：How Many Rabbits?

Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have? Jonathan:Nine, sir.

Teacher: Nine?

Jonathan:I've got one already, sir.

多少只兔子？

老師：好，喬納森，假如我給你三只兔子，第二天我又給你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？

喬納森：一共有九只，先生。

老師：九只？

喬納森：先生，我本來就有一只。

8：These Are My Jeans

After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about

herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago．

“Look，look．” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband．“I can wear my old jeans again．”

Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans．”

那是我的褲子!

一個婦女在減肥一段時間后自我感覺特別好——特別是當(dāng)她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔褲時。她跑下樓沖她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的褲子了�！彼�丈夫看了她好一會兒，然后說：“親愛的，我愛你。但那是我的褲子。”

9：The mean man's party

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝嗇鬼請客

一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開。”

“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？”

“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。

10：All I do is pay

"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife

is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."

"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"

"I'm the people. All I do is pay."

我要做的一切就是付錢

布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象一個國家一樣。我妻子

是財政部長。我岳母是作戰(zhàn)部長，我女兒是外交秘書�！�

“聽上去挺有意思的，”他的同事說，“那你的職務(wù)是什么呢？”

“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢�！�

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