冷笑話英語

冷笑話英語篇一：看笑話學英語笑話大全爆笑翻譯

1.One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一個城市里的游客來到一個小鄉(xiāng)村，在鄉(xiāng)間路上開著車，想看看農(nóng)莊是什么樣子，也想看看農(nóng)夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城里人看見一位農(nóng)夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城里人對農(nóng)夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費時間嗎?"那位農(nóng)夫 回答說，"時間對豬有什么意義?"

2.The Looney Bin

Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

瘋人院

一天晚上，在瘋人院里，一個病人說：“我是拿破侖！”另一個說：“你怎么知道？”第一個人說：“上帝對我說的！”一會兒，一個聲音從另一個房間傳來：“我沒說！”

Notes:

（1）Looney (俚語）瘋子

（2）inmate （n.同住者, 同室者(特指在醫(yī)院、監(jiān)獄)）

（3）insane asylum (瘋人院）

3.Boxing and Running

Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."

Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

拳擊和賽跑

丹在教他的兒子怎樣拳擊。他告訴他的朋友：“這是一個粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的兒子怎么去拼搏�！�

朋友：“如果他碰上的對手是一個比他高大，健壯而且也會拳擊的人怎么辦？”

丹：“我也會教他怎么樣賽跑呢。”

NOTE

come up against 遇到一個對手 against表示相對的相反的

4.The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.

So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?"

George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

典獄長對獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因為每逢周末的探訪日，大多數(shù)囚犯都有家人或朋友來訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。

因此在一個探訪日，典獄長把喬治叫到辦公室說：“喬治，我注意到從來沒有人來探望過你�！彼麧M懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒有任何朋友或家人嗎？”

喬治回答：“喔！當然有，典獄長，只不過他們?nèi)�都在這里面！”

5.Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人搶你的手表時，你為什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發(fā)現(xiàn)我的四顆金牙。那就更糟了。

6.A shoplifter（商店扒手）51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook（騙子，壞蛋） looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時候被當場擒獲�！奥犞�，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當什么也沒發(fā)生，你看怎樣？”

經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。"

7.The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by asentry（哨兵） . When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams（縫合線） . [來自我要看笑話51kxh.cn]

"What's in here?" he asked.

"Dirt," the driver replied.

"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender（酒保） .

冷笑話英語篇二：英語腦筋急轉彎及冷笑話= =

英語腦筋急轉彎

Questions：

1.Who is closer to you， your mom or your dad？ 爸爸和媽媽誰和你更親？

2.What month do soldiers hate？ 當兵的不喜歡幾月份？

3.How many feet are there in a yard？一碼有多少英尺？

4.What is heavier in summer than in winter？什么東西夏天比冬天重？

5.What clothing is always sad？什么衣服總是傷感的？

6.How many legs do horses have？馬有幾條腿？

7.What fruit is never found singly？什么水果永遠不會是單個的？

8.What kind of clothes lasts the longest？什么衣服穿得最久？

9.Does any child like going to school？有沒有小孩子喜歡上學？

10.Why are giraffes the cheapest to feed？為什么養(yǎng)長頸鹿最不花錢？

11.How can you make the door last？ 怎樣能使門經(jīng)久耐用？

12.What’s the most difficult train to catch？趕什么火車最不容易？

13.Why do people go to bed？ 人們?yōu)槭裁此�覺？

14. What letter do most people fear most？ 大多數(shù)人最害怕什么字母？

15.What two words contain thousands of letters？哪兩個單詞包含了所有的字母？

16.Which state in the United States is round at both ends and high in the middle？ 美國哪個州兩頭圓，中間高？

17.What’s the smallest room in the World？世界上什么房間最�。�

18.What did the big chimney say to the little chimney while working？ 工作時大煙囪對小煙囪說些什么？

19.How long is a shoe， usually？一般鞋有多長？

20.Which can move faster， heat or cold？ 冷和熱誰跑得快？

21.What comes before six？六前面是什么？

22.Who will be your real friend， a poor friend or a rich one？

貧窮的朋友和富貴的朋友，誰會成為你真正的朋友？

23.What color is the wind？風是什么顏色？

Keys and notes 答案和注釋:

1.Mom is closer， because dad is farther． 媽媽更親，因為爸爸更遠。 father父親，音似farther更遠

2.March． 三月。 march n．行軍

3.It depends on how many people stand in the yard．這要看院子里站了多少人。 feet n．英尺；腳（pl．）yard n．院子；碼

4.heavy adj．重的；交通量大的，繁忙的

5.Blue Jeans． 藍色牛仔服。 blue adj．藍色的；傷感的

6.six legs--forelegs in front and two in back．

有六條腿，前面有前腿，后面有兩條腿。 forelegs n．前腿，音似four legs（四條腿）

7.A pear．是梨。音似 pair n．一對

8.Underwear， because it’s never worn out．

是內(nèi)衣，因為它永遠不會穿在外面

worn out穿壞，磨損/穿在外面

9.Every child likes going to school． Most of them just hate staying there before going home．

每個孩子都喜歡去學校，大部分的孩子只不過不喜歡在回家之前呆在那兒罷了。 go to School有兩種理解：①在學校讀書，上學；②去學校，上學校

10.They make a little food go a long wag．

因為它們脖子長，一點點食物都要走很長的路才能咽下去。

go a long way維持很長一段時間

11.Make other things first． 先做其他的東西。

make the door last另一種理解是：最后做門

12.The 12：50 train， because it’s ten to one if you catch it．

是12點50分的火車，因為趕上它只有10比1的概率。

ten to one 1點差10分；10比1

quarter/＇kw&:t/n．四分之一；二十五美分

13.Because the bed won’t come to us．因為床不會走向我們。

go to bed另一種理解是：走向床，走到床跟前

14.The letter E， because it’s the end of life．是字母E，

因為它是“l(fā)ife”這個單詞末尾的字母。“It’s the end of life.”另一種理解是：它是生命的結束。

15.Post Office. 郵局。 letter n．信件；字母

16. Ohio．俄亥俄州。 Ohio兩頭是O，中間是hi，音似high。

17.A mushroom.是蘑菇。

18.“You’re too young to smoke．”“你還年輕，不該抽煙�！眘moke v.抽煙；冒煙

19.A little more than a foot long． 一英尺多一點。

foot n．英尺；腳 “A little more than a foot long”實指“比腳長點點”。

20.Heat， because you can catch cold．熱跑得快，因為你追得上冷。

cold n．冷；感冒 catch cold追上冷；患感冒

21.The milkman． 送牛奶的人。

“What comes before six？” 另一種理解是：什么在六點鐘之前來？

22. A poor friend，

because a friend in need is a friend indeed．貧窮的朋友，因為患難之交是真情。 a friend in need患難之交 in need需要幫助，需要資助，窮困的

23.The wind blew風在吹 Blue．藍色。

Questions：

1. Who works only one day in a year butnever gets fired?

誰一年只上一天卻不會被開除？

2. Why does the Statue of Lib-erty stand in New York harbou?

自由女神為何矗立在紐約港灣？

3 Why doi birds fly south? 鳥為什么往南飛?

4 When can you go as fast as aracing car? 什么時候你能像跑車一樣快？ Keys:

1. Santa Claus. 圣誕老人.

2. Because it can't sit down. 因為它不能坐下.

3. It's too far to walk. 走著去太遠了.

4. When you're in it. 當你坐在跑車里時.

Questions：

1. Why are giraffes the cheapest to feed?為什么養(yǎng)長頸鹿最不花錢？

2. Why are dogs afraid to sunbathe?狗為什么害怕日光浴？

3. Why is the pig always eating?豬為什么沒完沒了地吃？

4、Why are politicians no longer concerned with snowball fights?

政客們?yōu)槭裁床辉訇P注打雪仗了？

5、Why dont women get bald as soon as men?為什么總是男人比女人先禿頭？

6、What can pierce ones ears without a hole?什么不用打洞就可以在耳朵上穿孔？

7. Whats the longest word in the world?世界上最長的單詞是什么？

8. Why does time fly?時間為何飛逝？

9. Where can a dog get another tail?狗去哪里可以再弄到一條尾巴？

Keys:

1. They make a little food go a long way.因為它們脖子長，一點點食物都要走很長的路才能咽下去。

2. They dont want to be hot-dog.因為它們不想成為熱狗。

3. Hes making a hog of himself.它想成為一只肉豬。

4、The cold war is over.冷戰(zhàn)結束了。

5、Because women wear hire longer.因為女人頭發(fā)留得長。

6、Noice.噪音。

7. Smiles. Because theres a mile between the letter s.微笑。因為兩個字母S中間隔了一里。

8. To get away from all those who are trying to kill it.為的是甩掉所有要謀殺它的人。

9. At a retail store.在零售商店。

Questions：

1.Will it rain for several days continuously？ 會不會連續(xù)幾天陰雨連綿？

2.Who can raise things without lifting them？ 什么人不用舉就能把東西抬起來？

3.What did the king cloud say to the rest of the clouds？

云中之王對蕓蕓眾生說什么？

4.Who is married to the First Lady？ 第一夫人嫁給了誰？

Keys：

1.Never， because there're nights in between.永遠不會，因為白晝之間有黑夜隔開。

2.Farmers. 農(nóng)民。

3.“I'm the one who should rain here.” “我要在這里降雨。”

4.Adam. 是亞當。

Notes：

1.day n.一天；一個白晝 continuously adv.連續(xù)不斷地

2.raise舉起，抬起；飼養(yǎng)，種植

3. rain v.下雨，音似reign v.統(tǒng)治

4.the First Lady第一夫人，總統(tǒng)夫人 the first lady第一位女士，指夏娃

Questions：

1.What does the man who just had his face shaved resemble？

剛剛修過胡須的男人像什么？

2.Why did the farmer take his chicken to task？ 農(nóng)夫為什么訓斥小雞？

3.How do we know the ocean is friendly？ 人們?nèi)绾沃�道海洋是友好的呢�?Keys：

1.A bear. 像熊。

2.Because they use foul language. 因為它們說臟話。

3.It waves. 它總是招手致意。

Notes：

1.resemble v.與?相像

冷笑話英語篇三：英語幽默笑話帶翻譯

英語幽默笑話帶翻譯

1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 醫(yī)生懂得多

一個男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進了醫(yī)院.他的妻子站在他的床前對醫(yī)生說:"我想他傷得很厲害."醫(yī)生說:"我怕他已經(jīng)死了."聽到醫(yī)生的話,這個男人轉動著頭說:"我沒死,我還活著."妻子說:"安靜,醫(yī)生比你懂得多."

2:You can't go without me

The bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him. "Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.

"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.

"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.

沒有我你們走不了

公共汽車上很擁擠.一位男士想上車,但是沒有人給他讓路.

"喂,讓我上車!"那位男士喊道.

"車太擠了,你最好坐下一輛"車上的一位乘客對他說.

"但是沒有我你們走不了.我是司機!"那位男士說道.

3:Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."

"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發(fā)問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了�！� “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！”

4:Hospitality

The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.

好客

由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。 客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夾上，先生。”那小男孩說。 5:Dear white, something you got to know .When I was born, I was black.When I grow up, I am blackWhen I'm under the sun, I'm blackWhen I'm cold, I'm blackWhen I'm afraid, I'm black.

When I'm sick, I'm black.When I die, I'm still black.you---white

people,When you were born, you were pink.When you grow up, you become white.You're red under the sun.You're blue when you're cold.You are yellow when you're afraid.You're green when you're sick.You're gray when you die.And you, call me "color"?

親愛的白種人，有幾件事你必須知道。 當我出生時，我是黑色的我長大了，我是黑色的我在陽光下，我是黑色的我寒冷時，我是黑色的我害怕時，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的當我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白種人，當你出生時，你是粉紅色的。你長大了，變成白色的。你在陽光下，你是紅色的。你寒冷時，你是青色的。你害怕時，你是黃色的。你生病時，你是綠色的。當你死時，你是灰色的。而你，卻叫我「有色人種」？

6：Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀！”

“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。

那爸爸去哪兒了呢？”

哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄�！�

7：How Many Rabbits?

Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have? Jonathan:Nine, sir.

Teacher: Nine?

Jonathan:I've got one already, sir.

多少只兔子？

老師：好，喬納森，假如我給你三只兔子，第二天我又給你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？

喬納森：一共有九只，先生。

老師：九只？

喬納森：先生，我本來就有一只。

8：These Are My Jeans

After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about

herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago．

“Look，look．” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband．“I can wear my old jeans again．”

Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans．”

那是我的褲子!

一個婦女在減肥一段時間后自我感覺特別好——特別是當她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔褲時。她跑下樓沖她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的褲子了。”她丈夫看了她好一會兒，然后說：“親愛的，我愛你。但那是我的褲子�！�

9：The mean man's party

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?"

"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝嗇鬼請客

一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開。”

“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？”

“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。

10：All I do is pay

"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife

is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."

"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"

"I'm the people. All I do is pay."

我要做的一切就是付錢

布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象一個國家一樣。我妻子

是財政部長。我岳母是作戰(zhàn)部長，我女兒是外交秘書。

”

“聽上去挺有意思的，”他的同事說，“那你的職務是什么呢？”

“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢�！�

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