英文幽默笑話

英文幽默笑話篇一：英語幽默小笑話六篇

? 英語幽默小笑話六篇

?

frog 青蛙

Frog The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, "Now I'll show you this frog in my pocket." He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich. He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, "That's funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch."

老師正在給學生上生物課：“現(xiàn)在，我將要給你們看我袋子里的這只青蛙�！苯又�，他把手伸進口袋，卻拿出了一份雞肉三文治。老師滿臉困惑地看了一眼，沉思了一會兒，說道：“真奇怪。我明明記得我已經(jīng)把午飯吃掉了�！�

人們什么時候說話最少？

Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個詞的復數(shù)形式是什么?

Tom: Men.

湯姆:男人們。

Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的復數(shù)形式呢?

Tom : Twins.

湯姆: 雙胞胎。

誰欠誰錢

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation.

律師的狗，沒有拴而到處閑逛，它來到一家肉店，偷走了一塊 烤肉。店主來到律師的辦公室，問道“如果一條沒栓的狗從我的商店里偷了塊肉，我有權利從狗的主人那里要回損失嗎？律師答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗沒栓而且今天從我的店里頭了塊肉”，律師什么都沒說，馬上給他寫了一張支票。一些天后，店主打開郵箱，發(fā)現(xiàn)一封來自律師的信，信上寫 道：咨詢費250美元。I Have His Ear in My Pocket

I Have His Ear in My Pocket

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"

"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.

"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.

"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發(fā)生了什么事？”

“一個男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說。

“再見到他你能認出來嗎？”媽媽問。

“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說�！八�的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。”

Give up your seat to a lady給女士讓座

Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."

"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.

"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

小強尼說：“媽媽，今天早上和爸爸在公車上時，他叫我讓座給一位女士�！�

媽媽說：“你做得很對呀�！�

“但是，媽媽，我是坐在爸爸膝蓋上的�！�

What Was It She Wanted？

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？” “Rain．” said the clerk．

一個商店經(jīng)理聽見一個店員對顧客說：“不，夫人，這會兒沒有，一時半會兒看來也不會有�！苯�(jīng)理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：“當然，馬上就會有的。我們上周訂了貨�！比缓蠼�(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什么——說我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到�，F(xiàn)在你說她要買什么？” “雨，”店員說。

英文幽默笑話篇二：外國最新英語幽默笑話精粹

外國最新英語幽默笑話精粹

(1)多少錢？

It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said , "Look，Joe! Isn' t that beautiful !”

(冬天就要來了，荷曼太太想采購一大堆的東西，所以她就一直等到周六丈夫有空的時候，她拖著他去商店付錢連帶拎包裹。他們?nèi)チ嗽S多家商店，荷曼太太買了很多很多東西。她經(jīng)常停下腳步說:“看，喬伊!那個多漂亮!”)

He then answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?" And took his money out to pay for it.

(他總是回答:“好吧!親愛的，多少錢?”然后掏錢去付款。)

It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinks about other things，like a nice drink by the side of warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, "Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!”

(他們從最后一家商店出來的時候夜幕已降臨，荷曼先生己累得筋疲力盡了，他心想著其他事情，比如，在家里暖暖的火爐邊喝著美酒。突然他太太仰望天空，說道:“看，喬伊，多么美的月亮啊!”)

Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered，"All right, dear, how much is it?” (荷曼先生不假思索地答道:“好吧，親愛的，多少錢?”)

(2)我這是在哪兒？

Nat lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his

holidays, but then last year he thought," I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain, and they like it very much, so this year I’m going to go there too.

蘭特住在英格蘭的一座小鎮(zhèn)上，假期總是呆在國內(nèi)。但是去年，他想:“我從未出過國。我所有的朋友都去西班牙度假，都覺得那兒很不錯，今年我也要去那兒一趟。

”First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Nat forgot about this, and while he was crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked him down.

他首先去了馬德里，在一家小旅館呆了幾天。第一天上午，他出去逛逛。在英國，人們是靠左行駛，但在西班牙是靠右。蘭特忘記了這點。他在過一條車輛擁擠的街道時，被一輛自行車撞倒在地。

Nat lay on the ground for a few seconds and then he sat up and said: "Where am I?" An old man was selling maps at the side of the street, and he at once came to Nat and said，..said, Map of the city, sir?"

蘭特在地上躺了幾秒鐘，然后坐起來說:“我這是在哪兒?”一位老人正在街道旁邊賣地圖，他立即走到蘭特跟前說:“買張交通圖，先生?”

(3)業(yè)余愛好

On my first day of law school at den Paul university in Chicago，our professor instructed us to write down our name, phone number and hobbies, he explained that he wanted the information so he could notify us of any changes in class time or assignments.

我在芝加哥德保羅大學法學院上學的第一天，教授讓我們寫下自己的姓名，電話號碼和業(yè)余愛好。他解釋說他想了解這些信息，這樣萬一上課的時間有變動或者有什么作業(yè)，他就可以通知我們。

"So why do you want our hobbies?" one student asked.

“那么你為什么要知道我們的業(yè)余愛好呢?”一名學生問道。

"I'll give these sheets back to you at the end of the year,” he said. "This way you can remember what you used to do when you had free time.”

“我會在這一學年結束時將這些東西還給你們。”他說，“這樣你們就能想起過去有空閑的時間都曾做些什么。

”

(4)優(yōu)缺點

"This house,” said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad point. To show you I' m honest, I'm going to tell yon about the

disadvantages一there is a chemical plant one block south and a

slaughterhouse one block north.”

“這幢房子，”房地產(chǎn)推銷商說，“既有優(yōu)點也有缺點。為了說明我是誠實的，我將告訴你們它的缺點是—在南面隔一個街區(qū)的地方有一家化工廠，在北面隔一個街區(qū)的地方有一家屠宰場�！�

"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

“那么長處呢?”欲購房的人問道。

"The good thing about it,” said the a-gent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”

(5)提醒信

In the veterinary office where I’m a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes , in fact that’s why we' re here，”she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.

我是一家獸醫(yī)站的技師。當動物到了該注射疫苗的時候，我們就寄出提醒信。一條德國牧羊犬布魯諾來做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。依照州立法律的要求，我們問他的主人，在過去的十天里布魯諾是否咬了什么人�！班蓿�是的，實際上這也是我們到這里來的原因�！彼�回答說。我覺得奇怪，告訴她我們以為他們是因為收到了提醒信才來的。

"We did,” she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.”

“的確如此，”她解釋說�！安剪斨Z咬了你們送提醒信的郵遞員�！�

(6)單簧管

When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached

an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board，and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.

我在一個交響樂團演奏時，我們樂團與一家大航空公司達成協(xié)議，哪些樂器可以帶上飛機，

哪些要作為行李運送。一個大提琴手驚慌地發(fā)現(xiàn)他那精致、昂貴的木質(zhì)樂器竟要托運，經(jīng)受行李艙的低溫以及野蠻的裝卸。

He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?” scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinet is okay. Have a good trip,” and, smiling, waved him on.

他干凈利索地解決了這個問題。他手里拿著大提琴，走到門口的空中小姐面前，問道:“我可以將我的單簧管帶上飛機嗎?”她檢視了一下單子，答道:“單簧管可以。祝你旅途愉快�！比缓笪⑿χ鴵]手讓他進去了。

英文幽默笑話篇三：英文笑話經(jīng)典

微不足道的善舉

A man was strolling along the beach when he suddenly noticed from afar what he thought were children dancing.

有個人在沙灘上散步，在不經(jīng)意間看到遠處好像有孩子在跳舞。

“What on earth are they doing dancing on the beach?”as he quickly paced towards them.

“他們?yōu)槭裁匆�在沙灘上跳舞�?”他邊想邊快速地朝孩子們走去。

He was surprised that a boy and a girl were not dancing but picking up the starfishes which were washed ashore by the tide and throwing them back into the sea.

他驚奇地發(fā)現(xiàn)，那個男孩和那個女孩并不是在跳舞，而是在撿被潮水沖上岸來的海星，然后把它們?nèi)踊卮蠛！?/p>

“Excuse me, why are you throwing the starfishes back into the sea?”he asked.

“請問，你們?yōu)槭裁匆�把海星扔回大海�?”他問。

The children ignored the remark but they continued picking up the starfishes and kept throwing them back into the sea.

孩子們沒有理會他，繼續(xù)撿海星向大海扔去。

“Don't you think it is a waste of your time as there are hundreds of starfishes still lying around. Surely you can't keep this act all day long.”

“你們不覺得這是在浪費時間嗎?還有成千上萬只海星躺在岸上呢!你們肯定不會一整天都這樣扔下去吧�！�

At last the elder boy replied,“Sir, you see the sun would soon rise and the tide will ebb away.

后來，年齡大一點兒的男孩說：“先生，你知道嗎，太陽很快就要升起來了，潮水也會退去。

Though my sister and I can't throw all the starfishes back into the sea, we are sure it matters to the ones we succeed in throwing.

雖然我和妹妹不能把所有的海星都扔回大海，但我相信，對于被我們?nèi)踊卮蠛５暮Ｐ莵碚f，我們所做的是至關重要的。

Would you like to join us, it would make a difference.”The man smiled and said,“It certainly would,”so he too pick up the starfishes and threw them into the sea.

你想加入我們嗎?這很有意義�！蹦侨诵α诵φf：“非常愿意�！庇谑�，他也撿起海星，朝大海扔去。

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving

her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well. Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam. Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"

一位年輕的母親認為，世界上還有許多受饑餓的人，浪費食物真不應該。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女兒睡覺之前，她給女兒喂夜宵。她先給她一片新鮮的黑面包和黃油，但孩子說她不喜歡這樣吃。她還要一些果醬涂在面包上。 母親看了女兒幾秒鐘，隨即說道，“露茜，當我象你一樣小的時候，總是吃面包加黃油，或者面包加果醬，從來沒有面包既加黃油又加果醬�！� 露茜看了母親一會兒，眼中露出憐憫的神情，然后她柔聲說：“您現(xiàn)在能跟我們生活在一起難道不感到高興嗎？”

A BIG E-mail Mistake 一封致命的郵件 An man left for a vacation in Jamaica. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Talking on the Telephone

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began. The children

nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is

like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

在電話中交談

每個星期天牧師都會把孩子們叫到教堂前面，然后給他們講一個故事。一天，他為了更好地闡述祈禱的含義，帶來了一臺電話機。

“你們和別人在電話里交談，并沒有看到電話線另一端的人，對嗎？”他開始問道。孩子們點頭稱是。“好的，和上帝交談就象通過電話交談一樣。他就在另一端，雖然你看不見他，但是他正在聆聽你的心聲�！本驮谶@時，一個小男孩尖著嗓子問道：“那他的電話號碼是什么？” 是耶穌！In Jesus name

A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."

一個年輕人剛剛開始做生意，就租了一個漂亮的辦公室。一天，他坐在辦公室里，看到有一個人在外面，于是他就裝作生意很忙的樣子，拿起電話胡吹亂侃，還不停的甩出幾個大數(shù)字，好像在談一筆大買賣。

到了最后，他終于掛了電話，問來訪的人，“有事兒嘛?”那個人回答，“我是來給你安裝電話的�！�

Mrs. Jones was waiting for an important telephone call, but she had no bread in the house, so she left the baby at home and said to his five-year-old brother, "I'm going to the shops, Jimmy, and I will be back in a few minutes." While she was out, the telephone rang and Jimmy answered. "Hello," said a man, "is your mother there?" "No," answered Jimmy. "Well, when she comes back, say to her, "Mr. Baker telephoned." "What?" "Mr. Baker.

Write it down. B-A-K-E-R." "How do you make a B?" "How do I make...? Listen, little boy, is there anybody else with you? Any borthers or sisters?" "My brother Billy is here." "Good, I want to talk to him, please." "All right." Jimmy took the telephone to the baby's bed and gave it to Billy. When their mother came back, she asked "Did anyone telephone?" "Yes,"

said Jimmy, "a man. But he only wanted to talk to Billy."

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on." She shrugs and walks away.

Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse called."

Good Manners

When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.

The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?

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