英語(yǔ)小幽默故事

英語(yǔ)小幽默故事篇一：英語(yǔ)幽默小故事6篇

1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用

The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.

When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them,

“you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund

you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband

asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?”

“I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered.

“It’s not worth seeing.”

“I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said.

“Wake the child up and let him cry.”

一對(duì)夫婦帶著他們3歲的兒子去看電影。進(jìn)電影院時(shí)，服務(wù)員對(duì)他們說：“如果你們的兒子哭了，你們就得出去。不過我們會(huì)給你們退票的�！贝蠹s半個(gè)小時(shí)以后，丈夫?qū)ζ拮诱f：“你覺得這電影怎么樣？”“我從沒看過這么沒勁的電影。”妻子回答說，“真不值得看�！薄拔乙膊幌矚g看�！闭煞蛘f：“叫醒孩子，讓他哭�！�

2、What a Smart Wife家有笨妻

A newly married woman was sitting on a chair,

looking vexed, when her husband came home.

"What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"

the husband asked. The woman replied,

"I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and

burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said,

"That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."

"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair,"

the wife responded.

有一個(gè)剛結(jié)婚的太太，坐在椅子那邊，看起來很懊惱，她先生回家看到她這個(gè)樣子，就問：‘嗨，你怎么啦？為什么看起來這么懊惱呢？’太太說：‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西裝褲被我燙壞了，燙成一個(gè)洞了�！�他先生說：‘��！那個(gè)沒關(guān)系啦！我還有另外一件一樣的褲子�！� 她說：‘是啊，還好我把那件新的拿出來補(bǔ)那件被我燙壞的�！�

3、Endearing terms

英語(yǔ)幽默故事:可愛的稱呼

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

Bernie應(yīng)邀來到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie發(fā)現(xiàn)，不管問他老婆什么問題，Morris總要在每句話的前面加上一些親密的稱呼，象蜜糖，我的愛人，親愛的，甜心等等。Bernie對(duì)Morris說，“你們夫妻倆真夠親密的，結(jié)婚這么多年了，你還叫她叫得那么親密�！盡orris低下頭，小聲地對(duì)Bernie說，“老實(shí)跟你說吧，三年前我忘記老婆的真名是什么了。”

4、Are you a normal person？你是正常人嗎？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

參觀一所精神病院的時(shí)候一個(gè)參觀者問院長(zhǎng)，“你們是用什么標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來決定一個(gè)人是否應(yīng)該被關(guān)進(jìn)精神病院呢？” “呃? ?”院長(zhǎng)說，“是這樣，我們先給一個(gè)浴缸放滿水，然后我們給病人一個(gè)調(diào)茶匙，一個(gè)茶杯和一個(gè)水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清�！� “噢，我明白了”， 參

觀者說。“一個(gè)正常人會(huì)選擇水桶， 因?yàn)樗�桶比茶匙，茶杯的體積大。” “錯(cuò)了”，“院長(zhǎng)回答”“正常人會(huì)把浴缸塞子拔掉”。

5、英文幽默老虎來了

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

兩個(gè)男人正在穿過叢林，突然，一只老虎出現(xiàn)在遠(yuǎn)處，向他們沖來。

其中的一個(gè)人從包里拿出一雙“耐克”鞋，開始穿上。另一個(gè)人驚奇地看著他說，“你以為穿上這個(gè)就可以跑得過老虎嗎？”

他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得過它，我只要跑得比你快就行了�！�

6、Another 40 Years to live

再活40年

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

一名中年婦女心臟病突發(fā)被送到了醫(yī)院， 在手術(shù)臺(tái)上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 于是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說，“還沒有，你還能活43年，2個(gè)月零8天�！� 身體快要康復(fù)的時(shí)候，這名女士想到自己還要活那么多年，得好好對(duì)待自己，于是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后還做了一個(gè)腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術(shù)。 她甚至還請(qǐng)人到醫(yī)院里面幫她頭發(fā)給染了。 做完最后一個(gè)手術(shù)，這位女士出院了， 但就在過馬路的時(shí)候，她被一輛風(fēng)馳電摯趕回醫(yī)院的救護(hù)車給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問上帝，“我記得你說我還能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那個(gè)時(shí)候我沒認(rèn)出你來”。

英語(yǔ)小幽默故事篇二：英語(yǔ)幽默故事

英語(yǔ)幽默故事 1

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "It will rain tomorrow." The next day it rained.

一個(gè)電影攝制組在沙漠深處進(jìn)行拍攝。一天，一個(gè)印度老人來到導(dǎo)演面前對(duì)他說：“明天會(huì)下雨�！钡诙�天果然下雨了。

A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, "There will be a storm tomorrow." The next day there was a storm. 一周以后，印度人又來了，他告訴導(dǎo)演說：“明天會(huì)有暴風(fēng)雨�！惫�然，第二天有暴風(fēng)雨。

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

“這個(gè)印度人真神，”導(dǎo)演說。他告訴他的秘書去雇傭這個(gè)印度人來預(yù)測(cè)天氣。

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

然而，幾次預(yù)測(cè)天氣成功之后，這個(gè)印度人連續(xù)兩周沒有露面。

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow," said the director. "And I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

最后，導(dǎo)演派人把這個(gè)印度人請(qǐng)來了。導(dǎo)演對(duì)他說：“我明天必須拍攝一個(gè)很重要的場(chǎng)景，全都指望你了，明天天氣如何��？”

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."

這個(gè)印度人聳了聳肩說道：“我不知道，我的收音機(jī)壞了�！�

2 Chief is at the wedding 長(zhǎng)官在婚禮上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.

大街上的一個(gè)超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

“但是警官”這個(gè)人說道，“我可以解釋的”。

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back."

“保持安靜”，警察突然說道�！拔覍�把你送往監(jiān)獄，直到長(zhǎng)官回來。

"But ,officer, I …."

“但是，警察，我，，，”。

"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"

“我說過了保持安靜，你要到監(jiān)獄了�！�

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

幾小時(shí)后，警察向監(jiān)獄里看了看說道“算你運(yùn)氣好，因?yàn)槲覀兊拈L(zhǎng)官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他會(huì)帶著一個(gè)愉快的心情回來的。”

"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

“你確定”在牢房里的這個(gè)人說道。“我就是新郎呀”。

1.stop

stop to do sth 是停下手上的事去做另一件事

stop doing sth 是停止手上正在做的事

2.speeding

n.超速行駛

speeding在這里作名詞使用，表示超速行駛，也可以作speed現(xiàn)在分詞，表示加速。

eg：So where you headed? Was I speeding too?

你要去哪里？我有超速嗎？

3Talking on the Telephone

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.

The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

在電話中交談每個(gè)星期天牧師都會(huì)把孩子們叫到教堂前面，然后給他們講一個(gè)故事。一天，他為了更好地闡述祈禱的含義，帶來了一臺(tái)電話機(jī)。

“你們和別人在電話里交談，并沒有看到電話線另一端的人，對(duì)嗎？”他開始問道。孩子們點(diǎn)頭稱是�！昂玫�，和上帝交談就象通過電話交談一樣。他就在另一端，雖然你看不見他，但是他正在聆聽你的心聲�！�

就在這時(shí)，一個(gè)小男孩尖著嗓子問道：“那他的電話號(hào)碼是什么？”

3She'd rather buy a gift

While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday. "That's okay," he said, "The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey." Mom pondered that idea and then replied "I'd rather buy you

a gift."

她寧愿買一件禮物

旅途中，媽媽想起她忘記給爸爸買一件生日禮物。"沒關(guān)系，"他說，"我最想要的東西是你的愛、忠貞和溫順。"媽媽沉思片刻后回答說，"我寧愿給你買一件禮物。"

4 Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!

I know all that.

Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married.

親愛的，丈夫?qū)ζ拮诱f：我邀請(qǐng)了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。

什么？你瘋了嗎？我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。

這些我全都知道。

那你為什么還要邀請(qǐng)朋友回來吃晚飯？

因?yàn)槟莻�(gè)可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結(jié)婚呢。

5 DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right. The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised. He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim. What happened? Did your father help you?

No, sir. He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim.

你爸爸幫你了嗎？

一天，蒂姆的數(shù)學(xué)老師看了他的作業(yè)，發(fā)現(xiàn)他全做對(duì)了。老師很高興，同時(shí)也十分驚訝。他把蒂姆叫到桌前說：蒂姆，你這次的作業(yè)全都做對(duì)了，怎么回事？你爸爸幫你做了嗎？ 不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。

英語(yǔ)小幽默故事篇三：小學(xué)生英文幽默故事

貓和老鼠

Good afternoon my dear friends, I’m DingDing Pig. I will bring you a funny story about cat and mice.

Mrs. Brown went to visit one of her friends and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.

" What is it in your box?" asked the friend.

"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."

"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.

Mrs Brown whispered,"So is the cat!" .

Thank you!

譯文

布朗夫人去拜訪一位朋友,她拿著一個(gè)頂部扎滿了小眼兒的盒子.

"盒子里裝的是什么?"朋友問道.

"一只小貓,"布朗夫人回答說，“你知道我晚上睡覺總夢(mèng)見老鼠，我非常害怕。這只貓可以抓住那些老鼠."

"可老鼠都是假想的呀."朋友說.

"小貓也是假想的."布朗太太小聲說道.

The Crab and His Mother螃蟹和媽媽

Hello, everyone. I’m Kitty Pig. I’m glad to tell you a story about the crab and his mother.

"My child," said a Crab to her son, " why do you walk

so awkward? If you wish to make a good

appearance, you should go straight forward, and

not to one side as you do so constantly."

"I do wish to make a good appearance, Mamma" said the young Crab;

“and if you will show me how, I will try to walk straight forward."

"Why, this is the way, of course," said the mother,as she started off to the right, "No, this is the way,"said she, as she made another attempt, to the left.

The little Crab smiled :“When you learn to do it yourself, you can teach me!"

Thank you!

“我的孩子，”螃蟹媽媽對(duì)兒子說，“你怎么走起路來這么難看呢？要想看起來像模像樣,你就應(yīng)該徑直朝前走，而不是像你一樣總是朝一邊走�！�

“我真希望能像模像樣,媽媽.”小螃蟹說，”如果你能教我怎么做，我就會(huì)努力之朝前走.”

“哎呀，當(dāng)然了，就是這樣！”媽媽說著，一邊就開始朝右邊走。

“不，是這樣的啦！”她說，一邊又朝左邊來。

螃蟹笑了，說：“等你自己學(xué)會(huì)了再來教我吧！”然后，他就回去玩了。

我真高興I’m glad.

Hi, lovely boys and girls. I’m Pony Pig. My story must be the most interesting.

A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children,"said she , "Has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?" "Yes,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."

"Well done. Who was that?"

"My granny."

"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."

"I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her for three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"

Thank you!

一個(gè)主日學(xué)校校的老師在對(duì)學(xué)生講使別人高興的重要性."聽著,孩子們"她說:"你們當(dāng)中有誰讓別人高興過?" "我,"一個(gè)小男孩說:"昨天我就使別人高興過." "做得好,是誰呢?" "我奶奶." "好孩子.現(xiàn)在告訴我們,你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的.""是這樣的,老師.我昨天去看她,在她那兒呆了三個(gè)小時(shí).然后我跟她說:"奶奶,我要回家了."她說:"啊,我很高興!"

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